


The Wild Ones

by Pavonharten



Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Abuse, Adventure, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst, Anxiety, Blood and Gore, Brotherhood, Childhood Trauma, Dark, Dark fic, Darkfic, Drama, Drinking, Emotional, F/M, Feels, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Missing Persons, Mystery, PTSD, Paranormal, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma, Racism, Sibling Bonding, Small Towns, Survival, Suspense, Thriller, Transformation, Trauma, Violence, Werewolf, Werewolves, Yes that's the superpower, deep south, wolf brothers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:35:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29423904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pavonharten/pseuds/Pavonharten
Summary: In this dark reimagining of Life Is Strange 2, Sean and Daniel Diaz live in a dilapidated Louisiana trailer park with their drug-addicted mother Karen and her abusive boyfriend, David Madsen. One night, Sean is invited to a party at the lake with his friends. He returns home after an urgent phone call from a neighbor to find his front door wide open and the lights off. Karen is dead, David’s body is in bloody pieces everywhere, and Daniel is missing. Sean eventually finds him naked and cowering in the woods, covered in blood.With no family in the area and only vague information on the whereabouts of their estranged father Esteban, the brothers embark on a long journey to find him—all while hiding from the police and grappling with the constant challenge of Daniel’s transformations at the end of every moon cycle.NOTE: This is a darkfic, so expect a lot of unsettling stuff and suspense. Most of the characters you know are included, some are not. This is a complete rework of the source material, however the basic themes and characterizations will remain much the same. Some ages are changed in minor ways (Sean is 17, Daniel is 13). Descriptions or mentions of sexual activity and abuse, but nothing too explicit.
Relationships: Daniel Diaz & Sarah Lee Hackerman, Sean Diaz & Cassidy, Sean Diaz & Penny, Sean Diaz/Jacob "Jake" Hackerman
Comments: 13
Kudos: 16





	1. The Hardest Pill

**Woodlake Trailer Park  
** **Pukettsville, Louisiana**  
**  
_July 10th, 2016 – 8:32pm_ **

“One day…I’ll get that cute, good-for-nothin’ little brother ’a yours.”

Hank’s voice always had a way of making me freeze in my tracks. Especially when he mentioned Daniel. Cheap shot, but he knew it was the one thing that got to me. The one way he could still make me do anything he asked without question. Like almost every other son from a broken home in this shithole trailer dump, Hank picked me up when I was about fourteen. Said he’d give me some cash in exchange for a few small favors. I was desperate, of course. Hell, who isn’t out here? Everyone has their own hustle. We all got a family to take care of. Then one “favor” turned into another. And another, and another. Until I was pimped out to more old men than I can count, recruiting more boys like me into his sick little Epstein ring.

Bad as it all was, I saw it as basic economics. For most of us, it kept the lights on. It kept the bills paid. It kept people like my heroin addict mother unemployed and getting her fix. And most importantly, it kept Daniel from ever having to do the same. So far.

“You ever come _near_ him,” I spat, hand shaking as I reached for the knob, “I’ll fucking kill you in your sleep!”

I slammed the door of his RV shut behind me. It should’ve been a small victory. It wasn’t. My stomach churned from the shock of it all. Both for everything I’d done prior, and for the coming walk of shame. The road home seemed a lot longer now. Good thing I was used to all the neighbors talking shit by then. That didn’t faze me. At least I had a fresh wad of twenties in my pocket that I didn’t before—even if it did take swallowing a few loads from that crusty old creep. I could still taste it coating the back of my throat. The taste that said “you’ll never be free”. I wanted to puke.

A fresh rainfall had started that night as I dug out my Marlboro Reds and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt back over my head. It looked shady. I didn’t care. Anyone coming from Hank Stamper’s trailer looked shady. Over the last few years, I’d seen quite a few characters stumble out. Some of them women, most of them boys. They all looked lost. Every single one. The world had taken from them, and whatever it hadn’t, Hank was happy to take more. _At least you’ll never get Daniel,_ I thought. _Not under my watch._ _I’ll sooner send you to hell, you sick fuck._ But for now, I had other problems waiting at home I tried not to think about.

The sky was a dark blue giving way to night on my trek back. A cool dusk breeze had settled over the park, that kind of perfect summer temperature where the air finally peels back after a long hot day of sun. Fireflies danced here and there over the humid grounds. No doubt Daniel had already caught a few. He could be so cute when he ran out of the house with his little net and mason jars full of twigs, excited for the hunt. I never got much into it, but I used to love helping out—at least before he turned thirteen. Then he didn’t want my help so much anymore. Kids grow up fast out here. No other choice, really. 

The smell of chlorine wafting out from the community pool made me gag as I walked by. _Hold your breath, dude._ Funny thing about this town. No matter how far you walk in Woodlake, that scent seems to be everywhere, clinging tight like a bad memory. And it always gets worse in the summer. Not that too many people hung out at the pool this year anyway. Some little girl cracked her head open and drowned last spring, and that was enough to make them shut down for the rest of the season. Whole pool turned red with blood. Maybe they thought it was haunted or some shit and figured if they made it smell bad enough, it’d keep the ghosts out. In any case, there never were enough lifeguards there. Haven’t swam in that thing since I was maybe six anyhow. I think that’s how old the girl was. Sad, but I guess that’s life.

As I rounded the pool and got to my house, I finished off my cigarette with a few quick drags, then hopped up the steps to put it out in the ashtray. I took a deep breath and looked back. The neighborhood this time of night was so peaceful. I didn’t want to go inside just yet. David was probably on his usual beer bender. He was a fucking tool when he drank, always watching his football games more than he ever watched Daniel. Or Mom for that matter, in case she ever fell asleep and woke up choking on her own vomit. Happened this February, then again in May. I felt bad for even leaving the house, but it’s not like either of them pay the fucking bills on time. Someone’s gotta do it.

“Here goes nothin’,” I sighed, unlocking the door. My heart was pounded something fierce. Hell, I’d take the smell of that nasty chlorine pool over my own house any day. As soon as I opened the door, that familiar stench of cigarettes, booze, dog urine, and stale food would hit me in the face. _Home sweet home_ , I thought, stepping inside. _Fuck, that reeks._ At least our dog Mushroom would greet me with enthusiasm. David, not so much.

“Oh, look who it is. The prodigal son returns.” He half rolled his eyes, half smirked as he sat back on the couch with the blue light from the TV dancing on his face. _Asshole._

“David,” I nodded. “How’s the game?”

“How the fuck do ya think?”

“That bad, huh?”

“Smartass,” the man said, taking another swig of Coors. “The Saints still suck. Not that you give a damn.” I always hated his shit attitude, but if I don’t humor the guy now and then, he tends to go on a rampage and tries to throw mine and Daniel’s shit out. I took off my shoes and joined him on the couch for a bit.

“Just not a big football fan.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re a pussy.”

“Baseball’s more my thing. Classic all-American sport.”

“Bunch of fags, if you ask me.”

“I didn’t,” I frowned, plopping down to crack open a cold one. David always keeps his stash out on the coffee table when he’s watching a game. Typical drunk loser. At least he had pretzels this time.

“So you’re gonna steal my beer now, huh?” he belched.

“Can always buy you a new pack,” I shrugged. “I make my own money.”

He laughed in that condescending way of his as he leaned forward to grab his lit cigarette from the ashtray.

“I still ain’t figured out how ya do that. Must be some miracle.”

“You don’t wanna know.”

“Why? You been suckin’ dick for cash?” he grinned, taking a drag. “Saw you over by Hank’s the other day.”

“So? The fuck do you care?” I scowled and took a swig. Beer was pretty much the only thing that ever made talking to David bearable. I hated when he got up in my business like that. I paid more than my fair share of the rent. And his.

“Just don’t want a queer livin’ under my roof.”

That pissed me off. It wasn’t his roof. He was just a freeloading alcoholic prick. I got up and dug out the few crumpled twenties left in my pocket from servicing Hank, tossing them on the table in front of his worthless ass.

“That should about cover my rent for the month, right? Good talk, Dave. Cheers,” I said with sarcasm, clinking our glasses. “Oh, and if you try using that to buy booze or anything else, I’ll make sure Hank knows you’ve got a better mouth than mine.”

He muttered something else smart, but I barely heard it. I stormed through the kitchen back to the room I shared with Daniel and slammed the door. He was still bitching at the TV in the background. _As usual._ I bitched at myself too for forking over the cash. _Way to go, Sean. Stupid ass._

I set my beer down on the shelf as my eyes adjusted to our dimly lit room. The old lamp on our desk is the only one that works anymore. Reflects terribly off the fake wood panel walls we got, but it’s better than nothing. Daniel was sitting up on his bed in blue boxer briefs reading the latest Hawt Dawg Man comic. I may not be able to do much for the little dude, but I make damn sure he gets his favorite reading material. After he bombed English class last year, he needs it.

“Why do you guys always have to fight?” he whined. “It’s so annoying.”

“He doesn’t know when to shut his big fucking mouth,” I replied, stepping over to my bed to remove my hoodie and jeans. My toe briefly hit the box under my bed I kept most of my earnings in. _Surprised little bro hasn’t gone snooping yet. Though if he did, I’d probably come home to see him eating his weight in Chock-O-Crisp bars._ I shuddered for a second at the thought of him walking to the store on his own. Hank’s words kept haunting me. _‘One day, I’ll get that cute little brother ‘a yours.’ Fuck! Wish I could just stay home all the time to keep an eye on him._

“Not like you have to say anything back,” Daniel sighed, flipping the page on his comic. “I just ignore him.”

“Yeah, well you’re not the one who has to deal with him, are you?”

I plopped down on my bed and turned to face our closet. Sometimes, dealing with Daniel could be just as annoying as the summer heat infesting our room. Our air conditioning unit had broken about a week earlier, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to drop any hard-earned cash on a new one. It was hard to get comfortable.

“Wish that stupid air unit still worked,” Daniel said, reading my mind as he fanned himself with the comic. “And it fucking stinks in here.”

“You stink worse, bro,” I smirked, turning towards him. “Even more than Mushroom.”

“Shut up! You’re older. And disgustinger.”

“Anddd that’s why you failed English class,” I chuckled. Daniel grabbed his mini Rubik’s Cube off the desk and pelted me in the chest with it. “Ow! Dude, watch it! Do I have to put you in a headlock again?”

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, throwing down the comic as he hopped off the bed. “Think I’m just gonna take another cold shower.”

“Hey, not so fast! How much water did you use today?”

“Not much. Why’s it matter?”

“Um, because I pay the fucking water bill? Hello!”

“I just took a quick one when I got home, I swear!”

“Daniel,” I sighed, rubbing my face. He was such a lying shit. “You get one shower a day, no more than ten minutes, I told you! None of that half-hour shit!”

“Y-Yeah, but…” he stammered. “It’s too hot in here today.”

“Fine,” I conceded, sitting up on the edge of my bed. “But just let me get one first, all right? I gotta…get cleaned up.”

He froze for a second. 

“Were you at Hank's again?” he frowned. I didn’t answer. He knew what I’d been up to. Not surprised that kids tend to talk around here, but. It broke me when he’d found out a few weeks earlier. Everyone in our park had heard the rumors about Hank Stamper. I never wanted Daniel to know. He didn't deserve it. “I hate him, Sean,” he seethed. “I fucking _hate_ him!”

“Yeah,” I breathed. “Me too. But it’s none of your business, okay? Just stay out of it and do what I tell you." He rolled his eyes at me. "Please! I know it’s shit right now dude, but…it’s the best deal we got. And it pays for a lot of stuff-”

“I don’t care! It sucks!”

I blanked out for a minute. I didn’t know what else to say. How the hell do you explain to a thirteen year-old that you can’t just walk away from a bad situation, especially if that situation is what keeps a roof over your head and the water running?

“Look buddy, uh…you can take your shower first. Then we’ll talk, play a few games, whatever you want to do. All right? I don't want to argue about it right now. Seriously.”

“Well…okay. I guess that’s fine. Just…I worry about you, Sean! Sometimes you don’t come home until really late at night, and-”

“Don’t, lil’ bro,” I smiled, ruffling his hair. “Okay? I’m fine. Promise.” That was a lie, of course. But I had to be the strong big brother, no matter how much I hated to be. Daniel stepped forward and did something he hadn’t in a while. He dove into my arms and hugged me. For a couple moments, I held him tight, hoping it was enough reassurance for him. He probably hoped the same for me. It wasn’t. Deep down, I wanted to cry. Just let it all out right then and there. All the tears of pain and anguish I’d been bottling up inside for years, all the sick, sad memories. But I didn’t. He had to know I would always be the one he could trust to take care of him, no matter what.

“I love you, Sean.”

“Love you too, little cub,” I replied, patting him on the back. “Now go on, get cooled down.”

“Uh…o-okay. I won’t be long.” He moved for the door, then stopped and turned back to snatch his Hawt Dawg Man comic off the bed. He looked anxious.

“Need shit-reading material?”

“N-No! Not exactly…” Something fell out of the pages and fluttered to the floor as he held it loosely in his grasp. Curious, I leaned forward to see what it was before he bent over and snatched it up quick. _Is that porn?_ He turned beet red. “Crap! Um, th-that’s nothing!”

I had to laugh. He must’ve gotten into David’s Playboy stash at some point. Or mine.

“Relax bro, I got you,” I chuckled, reaching under my mattress to dig out one of my old _Hustler_ mags. “Here,” I tossed it to him. He quickly dropped the Hawt Dawg Man issue to catch it. “Go wild.”

“Uhh…look, I don’t really need this to-”

“'Course you do,” I smirked. “Keep it. Besides, the WiFi sucks around here. Nothing loads for shit. Trust me, you’ll want something when it goes out.”

“Whoa!” he exclaimed, flipping through it. “Shit, you can actually see…wow!…um, th-thanks!” he said excitedly as he darted out the door and shut it behind him.

I laughed to myself and laid back on the bed with a sense of pride, feeling like I’d just done one of the most important brotherly duties ever. Kinda weird to think about, but I guess the imparting of carnal knowledge is a responsibility every older sibling holds dear. _Can't believe Daniel’s becoming a man now, in more ways than one. Kinda cool. But also kinda sad and scary._

I got up for a second and knelt down to grab his Hawt Dawg Man issue off the floor. Crazy how he’d dropped it so quick for the dirty mag. It was an almost perfect illustration of lost childhood innocence. Made me think back to when I was around his age. Just a normal, blissfully ignorant kid walking home from my friend’s house, scrolling mindlessly through an iPod Touch I'd borrowed. Daniel was at a swimming lesson that day while Karen was out running errands. That was before she got addicted, of course.

Hank had picked me up about a mile from the trailer park after I helped him change a flat. He’d offered me a ride home in return, bought me ice cream. Then he plied me with alcohol, introduced me to some friends of his. They took pictures at first, then taught me other things in the coming weeks. How to pose. How to smile. How to suck dick. How to fake it all for the world and lie to my family. We were about to get evicted at the time. Hank would help, he said. _Yeah fucking right._

Unlike Daniel, my loss of innocence didn’t happen quite so gracefully. It was taken from me a little at a time, day by day, piece by jagged piece, until I had little left to call my own. As I stood there clutching the Hawt Dawg Man comic, reading through it again for the first time since I was a kid, I wept. I wept for my own childhood, I wept for those I’d helped recruit. One of them had gone missing, two more had killed themselves in the past year. As for me, I continued wearing a smile on my face. I had to, because if I didn’t take care of Daniel, who would? And I vowed that what happened to me would never in a million years happen to him. _I'm the strong one,_ I kept reminding myself. _I'm the survivor. Always._

I set the comic back down on his bed. I thought, too, about what I’d just done. Maybe it was a harmless brotherly thing. Or maybe it was exactly what I feared it was--an old reflex, a recruiting habit I'd picked up years ago that I should have thought twice about. I couldn’t be sure which. Because that’s how it starts. That’s how it always started. _Show them the grown-up shit. Teach them it’s normal. Jerk off together. Have a few sips of beer. Jesus, what the fuck did I do! ‘One day, I’ll get that brother ‘a yours.’_ Would Hank even have to do the work himself? Or was I doing it for him…

“Shit, fuck,” I muttered, kneeling down to reach under my bed. My thoughts were racing a mile a minute again, and there was only one way I knew to stop it. I kept a bottle of Jack buried far enough under my bed that Daniel couldn’t reach. Could barely reach it myself, but I kept it wrapped in a dirty old shirt for easy access. When I felt the sleeve, I gave it a tug, and the bottle rolled out toward me. _Score._ I grabbed it and knelt there for a bit, downing a few desperate shots to wash away my trauma. It had become something of a nightly ritual now. Then I heard a vibrating noise on the carpet. _Shit. Forgot to take my phone out of my jeans._

I reached over and grabbed it, squinting at the bright light. Cassidy. _Not in the mood right now, and she’s probably on her work break anyway._ I let it go to voicemail and set it up on the desk. Once the notification popped up, I played it on speaker and returned to my bed, laying back with my hands clasped behind my head.

 _“Heya, Sean! Not sure what you’re up to this eve, but me and a few friends are headin’ down to the lakeside if ya wanna join. No pressure, I know you got your mom, Daniel n’ all. But it’d be awesome to see ya! I gotta get back to my shift soon, but hit me back if you’re down. Gonna try to snag me a twelve pack n’ some forties when I get off this bartending shit,”_ she laughed. _“But uh, yeah, text me, ‘kay? Love you. Cass, over n’ out. I-I mean uh, ten-four!”_

For the first time that day, I found myself smiling. A genuine smile, not that fake shit. Because bad as it was, and much as I wanted to escape my own private hell just like everyone else in that shitty town, Woodlake was still my home. I knew I wasn’t alone. I still had friends and people who actually cared, maybe even felt the same. And I still had my brother. Maybe that’s how I was able to survive for so long. As homes went, it could always be worse.

Little did I know how quickly things were about to turn to shit.


	2. Night Terrors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I just want to thank everyone who left me such amazing, supportive comments on the first chapter! I'm absolutely shocked, because I was not expecting this kind of response AT ALL! I was very hesitant to share this, because it's a rewrite of the whole story. Character relationships are different, there's some sexuality and drug use, Sean has major trauma, it's just super dark. Honestly, I wasn't expecting anyone to read it, so I'm humbled to discover I was wrong.
> 
> As a writer, I often gravitate toward the darker side of storytelling. I'm fascinated by it, though I'm not sure why. I always strive to be a healing presence. Maybe it has something to do with the emotion, caring, and human bonds created and upheld, even in the midst of that darkness. So maybe I shouldn't shy away as much from telling stories like this, because the shadows of life are real. But there's always a bit of light and humanity to be found in it somewhere, and often in the most unexpected places. 
> 
> That said, I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

After our showers, Daniel and I sat in front of the flickering old TV in the far corner of our room. We’d been playing Mortal Kombat for about an hour on an old PS3 I’d dug up at a yard sale a couple months back. I’d clocked in a lot more time on it than he had, so of course I was better. But that stupid old CRT display was wearing on my eyes the longer we stared at the screen. My Cyrax looked all green at that point. Daniel’s choice of Johnny Cage kept flashing pink. _My little brother just had to run his magnets over the glass. ‘Look at all the pretty colors, Sean!’_ Yeah. He’d fucked it up good. Still kinda funny though. 

“Can’t we just play one more game?” he begged. “I was totally about to kick your ass!”

“You wish!” I smirked. “Sorry bro. I’m a little wiped out. Plus the TV sucks.” 

“But I almost got the hang of it! Let me try again. Please? Just one more match?”

My goal had been to get him to bed early so I could go hang with Cassidy and the crew, but knowing Daniel, he would be insisting on ‘one more game’ for the rest of the night until he beat me. I was getting a little anxious to head out at that point. Still had to pick up some bud on the way too, which wouldn’t happen if my friend Eric decided to smoke it all and fall asleep like he always did. But I also didn’t want to leave without spending some quality time with Daniel first.

“Okay,” I sighed. “You win.”

“YES!” he cheered.

“But after that, you’re going to bed.”

“Why? It’s the middle of summer. Not like I have to wake up early.”

“Dude, we went over this. I need you up by ten to help clean the house while David’s at work. And I gotta mow the yard.”

“What yard?” he chuckled. “We barely even have one.”

“Still,” I insisted. “You know the landlords throw a shit fit if we let it get overgrown like last month. You have to do your part too. Unless you want David flipping out.”

“Yeah, I guess,” the boy groaned. “Just sucks we have to do it to avoid making anybody mad.”

“I hear you. But I'm pretty sure we’ve used up all our lazy days. This house reeks, dude.”

“That’s for sure. I guess I’ll take care of the dishes and scrub the kitchen. Maybe do the laundry and vacuum like last time.” I shuddered to think when ‘last time’ even was.

“Appreciate it,” I said, patting him on the back. “Also…we can’t forget Mom’s room either.”

“Uh…yeah,” he sighed sadly. “I know. Sean…why does she have to be in there all the time now? She barely comes out anymore. I really miss her being around. Like when we used to go the movies together, take Shroom out to the park. Go bowling on Fridays. You remember that?”

“I do, buddy,” I said, putting an arm around him.

“We just used to have so much more fun.”

 _Fun,_ I thought. _You mean when she left us at the theater to go get high? Or the time she left us with a cart full of groceries we couldn’t pay for, and ended up smacking me in public._ _What about that time I got several strikes in a row at bowling, and she was too busy fucking her dealer in the bathroom to see it? Or when she promised to make me a cake after school for my birthday, and I caught her cooking her dope over the stove instead?_ _Yeah. That was all real_ _fun._

But those were my memories. Daniel had no idea. He’d been too young to see it. And no way was I ever gonna let him grow up as disappointed in her as I was. Or taint whatever good things he held onto. He needed those.

“She’s just…she’s sick,” I explained. “I’ve tried getting her to go the doctors a few times, but…I don’t think it’s something they can really help with, you know? Not unless she wants it.”

“But why wouldn’t she want to get better? I don’t understand.”

“I don’t know, man. Sometimes…shit happens in life,” I said, pulling him close to me. “And it’s nobody’s fault. You might not remember, but we had a lot of problems trying to keep this place. Mom got depressed, didn’t want to get out as much. She stopped doing things for herself because…she couldn’t. She was just too sad, ya know?”

“Man, I feel bad. M-Maybe we could do something nice to cheer her up?” Daniel suggested. “I bet she’d be happy if I drew her something. I’ve kinda been working on a sketch,” he said, beaming with pride. “I mean, it’s just a silly picture of Mushroom, but…you think she’d like it?”

“That just might work,” I lied. _Doubt she’d even notice_. “Maybe she’d put it up on her wall, like your silly kindergarten drawings!”

“You think so?”

“Definitely! She could see how much you’ve improved.”

“That’d be _awesome!_ ” he smiled, getting up to head for the desk drawer. “I’ll go show it to her right now!”

“Uh, w-wait!” I stopped him. “That’s…not the best idea tonight.”

“Why?” Damn. He looked crushed. _I can’t tell him she’s too doped up. She’s been a mess the past few days. And it stinks like actual piss in there._

“Because, it’s…just kinda late dude,” I reasoned, trying to save face. “It’s almost ten-thirty already. She’ll be asleep by now.”

“Yeah,” he sighed heavily. “You’re probably right.” I felt like shit trying to discourage him like that.

“Look, how ‘bout you give it to me now and I’ll check in on her before bed, okay? I’ll leave it on her nightstand so she has something nice to wake up to.”

“Ooh, good idea! Hmm.” He sat up on his bed in that cute way of his whenever his mind was swimming in thought, cross-legged with a sketchpad on his lap and a pen cap in his mouth. “You think we should leave her a letter? Feels kinda weird to just leave the drawing by itself.”

“Hell yeah,” I smiled, joining him on the edge of the mattress. My hands briefly brushed over a couple crusty parts on his sheets when I sat down. _Ugh gross, you’ve gotta be kidding me,_ I cringed. _Even I knew better than to make a mess in my bed when I started. Damn right you’re doing laundry tomorrow._ I decided not to mention it. Probably embarrassed him enough earlier with the dirty mag.

“So what should we write?”

“I don’t know,” I said thoughtfully. “Maybe something simple.”

“Hmm, how about…‘Dear Mom, I know you’re not feeling well,’” he wrote, “‘so I hope you like my drawing of Mushroom and that it makes you smile, because she always cheers me up. Sean says hi too.' Umm...'We miss you being around and hope you get better soon. Love, your sons.’ And you can sign it too.”

“Whoa,” I breathed, taking the pen as I put an arm around him. I teared up looking it over. It really was the sweetest thing in the world. There was so much hope in it, so much light, so much love. He made me want to believe things would get better. "That sounds more perfect than anything I could've wrote. Great job, bro."

“Thanks,” he smiled. “You really think she’ll like it?”

“I know she will.”

That time, I wasn’t lying. Or at least not to him. Maybe to myself, because I wanted so badly for it to be true. As he folded up the letter all neat-like and kissed it, I came to realize just how much I envied my little brother for his youthful naivety. He would never have to grow up and live with all the bad memories I had of her. Not up to that point, anyway. Me, I wished I could just erase everything from my mind. Scrub through my skull with brain bleach so I’d only remember the good parts too.

I think that’s another reason Daniel’s letter hit me so hard. Something about it felt pure and innocent. Reminded me of everything I’d lost, everything I was going to lose. I feared the same might happen to him. The thought crossed my mind of keeping his work, if only to protect it. Hide it away somewhere safe, where the tainted scourge of brokenness brought upon our family by my mother and I could never touch it. But that would’ve been wrong, too. She needed to see it. _Just hope he does something like this for me someday. I need it too._

“Here, I’ll get it to her,” I assured him, opening my hand. Daniel placed the drawing and letter with the utmost care in my palm as he looked me in the eye.

“Just be careful, okay? It’s my best drawing ever! Don’t even drop it-”

“Okay-”

“I mean it, Sean! It’s important. You know Shroom likes to chew on my sketchbook the second I get home, so-”

“I know, dude! Chill. You can trust me. Cross my heart.”

“All right,” he nodded. “And you still owe me one more round of Mortal Kombat-”

“Hey, don’t push it!” I chuckled. “We’ll pick up where we left off in the morning, I swear.”

“Okay.” I got up and moved for the door, but he stopped me again. “Hey Sean?”

“What’s up?”

“Will you, uh…read me a story...when you get back? Just so I can fall asleep. I-I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to! I know I'm thirteen and all, but-”

“Hey, don’t worry, I got you,” I smiled. “Pretty sure that applies no matter how old you get." He looked sad, which meant there was more to it. "You doing all right?”

“I guess…y-yeah! Well, I mean…not really,” he admitted. “Okay, this'll sound totally lame, but. Sometimes I get these weird nightmares when you’re gone. Like, I’m all alone in the woods and I’m looking for you, but you’re not there. And then I wake up in the dark and see your bed’s empty, and I…kinda freak out,” he trembled.

My heart ached. _Fuck. I didn’t think it affected him this bad._

“Dude, why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I-I don’t know! I guess I just felt like you wouldn’t care,” he sniffled. “Like I’m weak, or a wimp, or…something. I know we have our separate lives and stuff, and sometimes we fight. I try to be strong on my own. Like yeah, I have friends, but…it just hurts when I come home and my brother's not there. Being stuck with David sucks. And you go out who knows where-”

“Hey, come here,” I said. I turned back for the bed, hugging him tight as I kissed the top of his head. “I’m sorry, bud,” I whispered. “I’m really sorry, that’s my fault. I shouldn’t leave you alone like that. It’s not fair to you. But you’re not weak dude, and you’re definitely not a wimp, okay? You’re my kickass little brother, and I’ll always be there for you. You hear me?”

“Yeah,” he nodded tearfully. “Thanks.”

“And don’t worry about me either,” I knelt in front of him. “Nine times out of ten, I’m just out with my friends. As for the other stuff…I can handle Hank. Trust me, I know what I’m doing. So don’t think about that stuff, all right?”

Daniel sighed. He averted his gaze a few moments in thought, still looking upset. _God, I wish I could just explain everything to him about my past with that asshole. How it all started, how far it went, what keeps me up at night, where I go. The secretive life I have. But I can’t. Not now, and not anytime soon. Maybe someday, when he’s older._

“Just promise you’ll always come back?” he whimpered, squeezing my hand. Daniel always had a way of reading me better than I could read myself. He meant it literally, I sensed, but I also had a bad habit of mentally checking out too. He probably noticed that.

“I swear, little cub,” I nodded. “And I’ll try to do better at letting you know what’s up if I go somewhere. Promise. Now come on, get to bed and don’t freak yourself out over bad dreams, huh?” I patted his leg as I stood, planting another kiss on his head.

“I guess,” he replied. “Thanks Sean. I trust you.”

“Cool. Just try to focus on the good things, all right? Like you do with your drawings.”

“Yeah. I’ll try.”

“Be right back bro,” I smiled, heading for the door.

* * *

The rest of the house was dark as I snuck through the shadows and tried not to wake David, who was already passed out on the couch in front of his sports replays. _Typical drunk shit. I told you to keep an eye on Mom overnight, and you can’t even do that?_ My bare foot hit yet another wet spot on the carpet. _Nice._ He hadn’t let Mushroom out in a while either. I stopped for a second to throw some nearby magazines over the mess, then continued on. The dog was curled up sleeping on the end of the couch. Cute stinky bugger. She desperately needed a bath. I made a mental note to remind Daniel, but at least I knew she was fed. He always handled that.

Mom’s room was across the living area at the other end of the trailer down the hall. I shuddered to think how bad it was this time. Hadn’t seen her in a while. _Wonder what I’ll walk into._ Would she be cooking up again? Passed out on the bed? Injecting herself? Picking at her skin? I’d seen it all before. I suppose the only silver lining in it all was that somehow, she still managed to keep all her needles in the bedroom and away from the dog or anyone else who might step on them. But most of that was thanks to yours truly.

I'd done my best to do cleaning runs of her room every week so far—grabbed a fresh trash bag, got rid of all her spoons, vacuumed around the bed, helped her get dressed. It always pissed her off. But on the good days, which were few and far between, sometimes she’d be lucid enough to hold a conversation. Sometimes, she told me what a good son I was and asked to see Daniel. I would never allow it, of course. Not until she decided to get better. I hated giving him excuses, but I just couldn't let him see her like that. _Let’s just hope tomorrow is a good day,_ I thought, grasping his sacred drawing in my hand. Maybe it would give me a little luck.

I took a deep breath when I got to her door. _Please just be asleep,_ _I prayed. You’ll make this so much easier on me if you are._ I quietly turned the knob and stepped through.

The first thing I noticed was that her windows were open, which was unusual. For the most part, she always kept them shut with the curtains closed. I had installed a couple night lights earlier that week while she was taking a nap. The darkness in that house always had a way of saturating everything in sight, and I wasn’t about to risk stepping on another stray needle if I could help it. Made that mistake once.

I glanced over the floor in the dim light. So far, so good. Her room looked surprisingly pristine. David must have been in there before he started that six-pack, because I didn’t see any of her usual evidence lying around. There were nights he helped out too. _Weird how he takes better care of her than me or Daniel. Or himself._

“Mmm, who’s…who’s there?” my mother slurred softly, rolling over in her daze on the bed.

“Ah shit,” I groaned to myself.

I squinted in the dark at her frail-looking body as I approached, the black nightgown she always wore clinging desperately to her skinny frame like a tattered flag. The soft glow of the nightlights afforded a view of her arm I wished to god I hadn’t seen. No matter how many times I’d walked in on it, I still could never stomach the sight of a needle stuck in her arm. _Great._ Then I noticed the tourniquet still in place around her bicep. _She must have dozed off before she could dose herself. This is…actually a good thing._ If she hadn’t cut off circulation to her arm.

“This is above my paygrade,” I sighed, making my way around the right side of the bed. I hated playing nurse. A couple bottles clinked together in the sheets as she moved. Mom loved her whiskey too, which sometimes made it hard to tell if she was high or just drunk. In this case, I assumed the latter. “Hold on.”

“D-David…?” she mumbled.

“It’s your son, lady.” I grabbed her firmly by the left wrist to keep her bruised, track-marked arm steady and flicked on the lamp beside her bed. She’d hate it, but I had to get that needle out quick. She fought it for a second, tried freeing her arm.

“Mmm, my eyes! Turn off the light! What are you…let go…”

“Just hold the fuck still,” I clenched, grasping the syringe with as much care as Daniel had folded his letter. Then I stopped. _Wait. Shit, it’s been a while since I did this._ Her nightstand had an assortment of cotton balls and antiseptic handy. David may have been a douche, but damn was he well-prepared. I quickly doused a cotton ball and turned back for her arm, placing it over the needle as I removed it. Then I untied the tourniquet and set the syringe on the stand. The procedure was a little more for our protection than hers.

“Ah, what the fuck, it burns...asshole!” she gasped. “My head…ugh, it hurts…” 

“Nice to see you too,” I sighed, holding her hand as I sat down to check her head for a fever. _Good. She’s not warm._ Withdrawal would set in the next day though. If she didn’t shoot up again. “Karen, I need you to be honest with me.” Saying her name sometimes got her attention a little better than calling her ‘Mom’. “Did you shoot up?” 

“Uh…n-no, I was about to…” she trailed off, gazing mournfully at the bottles beside her. I glanced over at the nightstand. Syringe was half-empty. “Fuck...must’ve dozed off…felt like…d-drinking…the clock…”

“What?”

“That st…stupid little clock thing, you know, the hands,” she slurred, waving a finger in the air. Her right arm slumped down. She didn’t have the strength. “Maybe a half-hour…started.”

“You started drinking a half-hour ago?”

“No, that was...shut up. The…drank three hours…clock…” She was so fucking out of it.

“I get it,” I nodded. The best I could discern was that she'd drank heavily for three hours, then tried shooting up a half-hour ago. Probably passed out before she could inject the full dose. Not the best, but. I'd seen her worse. It was a cleaner moment than she’d managed in the past few days, at least. As far as heroin went. “You should really rest Mom,” I said, kissing her hand. "You're drunk."

“No…feel like shit…”

“I know,” I breathed. “Me too.”

Tears were starting to run down my cheeks. It was hard to see her like that. Harder than I thought. I must’ve spent so much time pissed at her that seeing her for the first time in days struck something in me. Oddly enough, her highs were easier to deal with. I could just be angry and avoid her. But when she was awake like this, even halfway, it made me sad. Reminded me of the mother I once knew. I missed her. A lot.

“It’s going to be okay, you know?” I said. It was more to reassure myself than her. I kissed her hand again. “It’ll be just fine, Mom. We’re, uh…we’re doing okay.” No. We weren’t.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a bit as she hesitated.

“I love…I love you…so much, sweetie.” She squeezed my hand. Faintly, but she squeezed.

“Yeah…”

It took every last ounce of strength in me not to break down, and even more resolve not to say it back. I wanted to. So much. But I just couldn’t. Not yet. She hadn’t earned it.

“So Daniel wanted to give you something,” I sniffled, shakily unfolding his presents. “It’s just a picture he drew of Mushroom, and uh…a nice letter. So I’ll just, um…I’ll leave it here for you, okay?” I whimpered, setting the little treasures down on her nightstand. She didn’t deserve those, either.

“Oh that's nice,” she sighed, fading in and out of sleep. “I miss Danny. You're such n-nice boys...so very nice…so tired…”

I shut my eyes tight as her grasp on my hand loosened. I couldn’t do this shit anymore.

“Just rest, Mom.”

I leaned over and kissed her forehead, then turned off the light.

* * *

I spent a long time in the bathroom after that meeting. Or what felt like a long time. Seemed like almost an hour had passed in that room, but it was maybe ten minutes before I got my bearings again. I didn’t expect to feel so shaken. It was strange. But I guess no matter how angry you get, it’s exhausting to hold a grudge forever. I once heard that having a relationship with a toxic family member you still love is like they come back from the dead every time you have to see them. You distance yourself, go through the mourning and all that shit. Then one day they’re in front of you, you get happy just to talk to them, and you just…forget the bad shit.

 _But you can’t,_ I thought, standing in front of the mirror with cold water dripping off my face. _Not for your sake, and not for Daniel’s. He needs you more than he needs Mom right now. Never forget that._ And he still needed that story before bedtime.

After drying my face, I felt composed enough to head back to our room. Was about to go in, until I noticed a dirty sock on the knob with a note taped over it. ‘Do NOT enter!’ _Of course,_ I thought, rolling my eyes. _He'll seize any opportunity now, won't he?_ Hormones are the weirdest drug when they first hit you. I waited a few seconds before knocking a couple times, staying quiet as I could in our rattlebox of a trailer house. Didn’t want to wake David or the dog. But I guess living in a small place like that, you get used to sleeping through the subtle noises anyway. 

“Daniel?” I called, just above a whisper. _Right. Like he could hear that._ “You done in there?” I asked louder. No answer. I knocked again. Still nothing. _I don’t want to risk it if he’s…busy. But he’d have answered by now if he was._ Plus I was getting a little impatient about being exiled from my own room. I removed the sock and reached for the knob, covering my eyes as I opened the door a crack.

“Dude, I’m coming in, so...yeah. Not looking, I swear.” I stepped inside, peering through the cracks in my fingers. He was there on the bed in my peripherals at least, so that was a good thing. “Psst, Daniel!” _Probably just fell asleep._ I shut the door and locked it behind me. When I finally did glance in his direction, I almost lost my shit.

My hormonal kid brother lay fast asleep on his bed in a white T-shirt, underwear at his ankles. His legs were spread open, bare and baby soft. One hand loosely clutched his limp, cum-drenched dick while the other rested in his thigh. He’d soaked the shirt pretty good. A few shiny droplets cascaded down his neck as I crept forward, trying my damnedest not to laugh at the sight of him. _Nice range, bro._ _You'll be blasting the walls like me in no time._

As I gazed down at his sleeping face, I couldn’t help but smile. He looked peaceful and relieved for once. Maybe it was weird of me to look, but then again, a lot of weird shit happens when you share a room with your brother. Things you can't avoid, much as you try. Things that can be equal parts comical, bonding, disgusting, or brutal. You learn a lot about yourself through it all. There's a lot of tears, often more than you think there will be. Sometimes more than you can bear. But there's also a lot more smiles and love than you expect to get, too. And in the grand scheme of things, that makes it all better. Because even after you leave that room, together or not, you know you always have each other's backs. And I guess that's what counts. Always.

 _All right,_ I thought. _Guess I better tuck in the not-so-little bro._ I reached for his blankets and pulled them up to cover what was left of his waning dicknity. He almost looked innocent again. I kinda hated that it wouldn't last forever. I did want to read him that story, but. _Probably shouldn't wake him now. That might scar him for life._

“Sleep tight, buddy.” _And for fuck's sake, wash those sheets, Mr. Disgustinger._

I turned back to my own bed and grabbed my phone out from under the pillow to check notifications. Seven missed calls, a slew of texts, and another voicemail. _Yup. Figured they'd blow me up._ I checked the time. 11:10 PM. _Shit. Crew’s been waiting for an hour or so._ I hit play on the voicemail and plastered the phone to my ear as a distant rumble of thunder sounded. Raindrops soon came, pattering lightly on our window. Should’ve figured. The days had gotten progressively more humid leading up. _Great._ _So much for getting the yard work done tomorrow._

 _“Yo Sean it’s Penny, where the fuck you at, bro? Listen, if you don’t hit me back in twenty, I’m headin’ to Eric’s myself. Gotta get our shit for tonight before dude smokes it all. But Cass is runnin’ late too, so just hit me back before eleven thirty and if you're still down, I can come scoop you on the way. She bringin’ some hot forties from work though, so…hope you’re ready to run from Big Joe,”_ he laughed. _“Peace out, mah man.”_

Damn. It was quarter after eleven already. I shot him a quick text back, then got to work on my outfit for the night. _Man, what do people even wear to parties these days?_ It had been a while since I’d been to one. I turned to the foot of my bed and started wading mercilessly through a mountain of clothes. Everything was dirty as fuck or stunk like it. The dressers still had our kid stuff from years ago, and I could forget the closet, too. That shit was packed to the brim with boxes and a pile of toys.

“Come on, there’s gotta be something,” I panicked, digging down to the bottom of the pile. “Ooh, Fire Walk shirt. Nice. Black jeans…‘course they’re cum-stained,” I sighed. “Gray sweatpants.”

Something about that ugly item of hookup attire made me stop in my tracks. Could’ve sworn I’d thrown those things out three years ago, but I forgot why I wanted to in the first place. Noticing a lump in one of the legs, I shook them. A pair of baby blue boxers with eggplant emojis fell out. Heart pounding, I grabbed it. _Fuck._ There was a blood stain on them. And a condom stuck inside.

I started pacing, anxious. Flashes of long forgotten memories crept into my brain and began cycling through on an endless loop, but nothing solid I could remember. No faces, no names. Only a sick feeling. _What happened to me…_

The honk of a familiar car horn outside dragged me from my thoughts. Penny. _Shit._ _I tossed the pair of boxers under my bed where Daniel wouldn’t find them. No time to drink now._ _Or think._ I threw on my Fire Walk shirt and Squad hoodie, then slid into the tight black jeans. No one would notice the stains in the dark anyway. I snatched up my backpack from the floor, too. Knowing the group of stoners I was about to hang with, they’d expect me to bring along a few snacks. Hadn’t seen those guys in forever. I took one last look at Daniel before shutting off the lamp on our desk. He looked angelic, aside from the drool on the pillow.

"Sweet dreams bro," I smiled. _Really hope Mom likes your drawing._ I hoped so, too.

After loading up my backpack with cookies, Chock-O-Crisps, and sodas, I headed out the door and into the rain. Penny was waiting for me on the street in a sweet-ass Pontiac Firebird he’d rescued from the local junk yard. 

“Diaz mah man, whassup!”

“Dude, it’s been _way_ too long,” I chuckled, hugging him as I got in.

“Yeah, the hell is up with your radio silence, man? Had me all worried n’ shit!”

“Nah, I’m all good. Just…family matters to take care of.”

“I hear that,” he laughed. “Got myself kicked out a month back. Too much drama anyway.”

“Shit, I’m sorry man. Lemme guess, mom didn’t like your choice of girlfriend?” I kinda didn’t want to talk about my own shit, but Penny always needed an ear. Good for us both.

“More like _I_ didn’t like her. My ma thought she was wife material. Bitch was crazy with a capital ‘C’! Burnt all my clothes, broke all my records, lucky she didn’t steal my cat. Said I ain't gave her no time, it was either her or my music. So I made my choice. Been livin’ with Finn down at the lake ever since. Bitches, man.”

“They be crazy,” I laughed. “Glad shit worked out for you though.”

“Hell yeah, best decision I ever made! Once we get the electricity goin’ at the cabin, shoot man, I can finally record my album in _peace!_ Can’t wait. Anyway, let’s light this baby up, we on a schedule.” Penny revved the engine loudly and kicked the Firebird into high gear. If anyone had been asleep in our vicinity, they certainly weren’t now.

He drove like a straight-up maniac as we chewed over what everyone had been up to that summer, tearing up the main street of our trailer park at a good twenty-five mile-per-hour speed. I held on for dear life. Once we blazed out the exit past the Woodlake sign, he cranked it up to a hefty sixty on the way to Cassidy’s bar. Her work was about fifteen minutes away, though with Penny, we got there in ten. It felt good to be hanging out with friends again, and by the time we skirted into the parking lot and ripped a few donuts, I realized I was starting to forget all about Hank and my troubles at home.

But something else I’d forgotten kept nagging at me too, and I didn’t remember what it was until we both stumbled out of the car. It was something important. Something _very_ important. Something I shouldn’t have left home without doing, but with the lake in the opposite direction, it was too late to turn back now.

I hadn’t left a note for Daniel. Or told him I’d be out.


	3. Monsters

Penny and I staggered our way up to the bar, still a bit dizzy from spinning donuts in the dirt lot with his Firebird. The rain hadn’t started on this side of town yet, so the timing was perfect. Wild fun, but man did it stink. A sizable dust cloud still hung in the air, mixed with the scent of freshly burnt rubber and exhaust fumes. _Gotta love good ol’ Southern entertainment._ I pulled the neck of my hoodie up to avoid breathing it in as we walked through. Penny covered his face with a black bandana. Lord knows what kind of other shit we kicked up, but I’m sure it was no worse than the racist shitheads in that pub.

Cassidy worked at this redneck joint called Louie’s, tending the bar and taking food orders. Neither of us understood why she took that job in the first place. Plenty of other watering holes in our neck of the woods paid the same. Don’t get me wrong, I loved seeing Cass, but I avoided that place at all costs if I could help it. Penny did too. The patrons were lousy dicks—truckers and farm boys, mostly. All white. And racist. She’d complain that they treated her like shit, though apparently they tipped better than other places she’d worked. I mean, okay, but. Tips aren’t restitution for assault. Plus the parking lot was always chock full of pickup trucks with Confederate flags galore. That didn’t exactly make us feel safe.

“So this Mexican guy and his black friend walk up to a bar full of Klan members,” I smirked. “Wanna hear the punchline?”

“Let me guess. That’s the joke, right? Shit man, don’t remind me,” Penny groaned. “Can’t stand this place.” I guess it didn’t help that the outside of the door was plastered with posters of missing black and Latino kids, many that were defaced or torn up. We stopped for a minute to check them out. “Now _this_ shit always gives me the creeps.”

“Same.” As Penny leaned forward to read, I reached up and untied the knot in his bandana.

“Bro, what you doin’?”

“Helping,” I assured him, slipping it off his neck and handing it to him. “Don’t think you want to be wearing this here. If these guys are anything like David, they’ll get jumpy quick. Maybe go for their guns. I kinda don’t want our faces ending up on this door.”

“True that,” he shuddered. “Thanks, man.” He looked to the right, where a newer poster had been hung, this one of a white kid. It was outlined in red marker. _Of course they want to draw your attention to that first. Black lives and other colors don’t matter worth a shit around here._ “Yo Sean, look at Snow White,” Penny pointed out.

“Yeah,” I chuckled, “how much you wanna bet the cops are on standby for him?” But the smirk quickly left my face as soon as I got a closer look. Something about that boy seemed eerily familiar. Couldn’t place it, but I knew his face. Then I read the name. _Christopher Michael Erickson, age 14. No way…_

I had briefly met Chris coming out of Hank’s RV on my way in about two months back. We had chatted for a few seconds. I’d asked if he was okay, he said yes. Gave him a cigarette, then he left. Thought nothing of it at the time. I’d just assumed he lived in Pukettsville, but apparently not. He was listed as missing from another town two hours north of here. _He did get into a car up the street that day. But when?_ I checked the date of disappearance. Ten weeks ago. Which meant I’d seen him sometime after those posters went up. He had dyed purple hair that day, not the blond shown in the photo. _What happened to you, Chris?_

“You all right, man?” Penny asked. I must have looked pretty shook.

“Yeah, just…reading.” He didn’t know anything about Hank or what was done to me. None of my friends did, and I wanted to keep it that way. “So I take it we’re not going inside?”

“Wasn’t planning on it, but Cass ain’t text me back yet,” Penny sighed.

“They keep her late sometimes. It’s a Friday man, she’s probably swamped. Let me just give her a call.” I dug out my phone and dialed her number, standing to the side of the door in case anyone came out. The tone rang. And rang. And rang. Penny looked nervous while we waited. I’m sure I did too. On the way over, he’d mentioned something about the startup on his car not being the best. I glanced at all the trucks parked in the distance, then back at the missing persons posters. If we had to make a getaway…well, I didn’t want to think about that. The call went to voicemail. I tried again. Cassidy picked up right away this time. _Thank fuck._

_“Hello?”_

“Hey. You almost done in there? I’m outside with Penny.”

 _“Sean!”_ She sounded relieved to hear my voice. _“Shit dude, I’m sorry! Got a lil’ held up with some assholes touchin’ on me. Had to sic Big Joe on ‘em, but I’ll be out soon as I can. Been a real shitty night. You boys out front?”_

“Yeah, we were just-”

 _“GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY BAR!”_ a voice roared in the background. _Big Joe._ I heard the sound of bottles breaking, followed by a loud crash and a muffled thump. 

_“Fuck man, start the car!”_ Cass panicked.

“What?”

_“Get ready to drive right FUCKIN’ now, Sean! Group a’ guys in here just been itchin’ to whip out their guns all night! I’m gonna grab us some bottles n’ leave. Fuck this job-”_

_“CASSIDY! Get your ass back here right now, girl!”_ Another series of crashes and yelling came. Then a gunshot. She screamed.

“Cass!” I panicked.

_“Don’t worry Sean, I’m comin’ out front!”_

“All right, stay low!” I urged, looking to Penny as she hung up. “Shit! Dude start the car, there’s gonna be trouble, we need to get the hell out of here NOW!”

“On it!”

Penny bounded off the steps, dashing back to the Firebird while I readied myself to shield Cassidy on her way out. A second later, the door flew open and slammed against the railing as she emerged in her long fur coat, lugging along a handle of vodka and a six-pack of Coors Banquet. I grabbed the Coors and huddled her down with me as we leaped down the steps to bolt for the car. Surprised I didn’t bust my ass or drop any bottles with that landing.

“Fun night, huh?” I remarked nervously.

“Yeah, let’s not stick around for them Call of Duty Kyles, I am _not_ about to get shot at again! Fuckin’ bottle shattered over my head like we was in a goddamn saloon!”

The doors flew open far behind us as we scrambled for the car. One bad thing about sports cars: You have to pull the front seats up to fit anyone in the back. Not the best getaway vehicle when you have three people. I quickly tossed the Coors behind the drivers’ seat and slid in just in time to see Big Joe through the back window as he heaved a young man down the front steps in a bloody heap. A couple other men tore through the entrance behind him. One made it down and bolted for his truck, but the burly man caught the other and slammed his head into the railing, knocking him out cold. Joe then directed his attention at us. He reached for his gun.

“Oh shit, DRIVE!” I yelled. Penny rammed his key in the ignition, still struggling to start it after the first failed attempt. _This can’t be happening right now._

“HEY! Think you can steal my shit?! Get back here!” Joe shouted, taking aim as he charged toward us.

“Fuck dude, he’s comin’, start the car!” Cassidy shrieked.

“I’m _tryin’_ mama, the engine sucks! Come on, please motherfucker…” Penny gasped, banging the steering wheel. He twisted the key hard in the ignition again, and the Firebird roared to life with a loud rev. “YES!”

“Great, now reverse, the hell are you waitin’ for!” Cass yelled.

“Girl, I swear to god I am already done with yo’ ass-”

“Oh shut it!”

“I’m the mothafuckin’ queen in this car bitch, now sit back and hold on!”

He shifted the thing into reverse just as Big Joe fired. There was a loud _pop_. The shot took out one of the rear brake lights. Cassidy screamed. I ducked down just before a second bullet pierced the back window and lodged itself in the ceiling.

“Man, I did NOT get kicked outta my mom’s for this!” Penny pounded the gas with all his might, sending us all lurching forward in our seats as we reversed. The burly old man fell on his ass. We almost hit him, but shots continued firing all around us, pelting the car. _Of course._ All the douchebags exiting the pub were just as eager for a piece. It quickly devolved into a firefight between them and Big Joe. Penny slammed into drive and skirted out of the parking lot. An incoming semi came barreling down the road straight at us. 

“LOOK OUT!” Cassidy screamed. Penny floored the gas. There was a loud honk and a screech of tires. We didn’t quite make it. The truck grazed the left rear quarter and we went skidding off the side of the road. Penny corrected fast. We fishtailed a few seconds before he was able to regain control, then straightened us out and plowed on.

“FUCK!” he shouted, banging on the dash. My heart was still stuck in the ceiling with that bullet. “Ya’ll okay?”

“Oh yeah, _real_ fine, asshole!” Cassidy snapped. “You really can’t watch where you’re goin’?!”

“You really gotta work at a bar full of racists?”

“That’s got nothin’ to do with this!”

“You kiddin’ me right now? We almost got shot ‘cause of your dumb ass!”

“Yeah, so did I! Not like I made ya’ll come inside, but hey, I made it out in one piece too, thank ya much! Whatever,” she huffed. “Sure as hell ain’t goin’ back there anyways. Need me a fuckin’ drink after that shit.” She opened the handle of vodka and downed a shot to calm herself. “Sweet fuckin’ Jesus. You ai’ight, Sean?”

I guess she remembered I still existed. Or needed a distraction from their argument—not that she’d get one for long. I related all too well to how Penny felt. 

“I’m just peachy,” I replied, opening one of the Coors. “You good, Penny?”

He scoffed. “Nah.”

“Thought so.”

“Look,” Cass breathed, “I don’t wanna fight, ‘kay? It’s done. But…I guess ya’ll are right. Shoulda never taken that shit job,” she sighed. “I’m sorry to you both. Thinkin’ back, it…don’t exactly sit right with me.”

“Uh-huh,” Penny rolled his eyes, tonguing his cheek. “Bet you was thinkin’ ‘bout that every time you clocked in too, right?”

I figured I should probably chime in before they went at each other’s throats again. The finer points of the racist South went completely over Cassidy’s head sometimes.

“Listen, Cass,” I said. “What Penny means is…our concerns are kinda bigger than your paycheck. We couldn’t just ignore all the posters on that front door. Not sure how you could either. Those…could have been either one of us tonight. Especially if you hadn’t answered your phone when you did.”

“Yeah…I get it,” Cassidy sighed, mulling it over as she shifted in her seat and took Penny by the hand. “I was wrong, I know. Bein’ scared for my life like that, just. I get it. And ya’ll gotta deal with that out here ‘cause of me…damn, I love the shit outta you guys,” she sniffled. “Glad you’s are all right. I’d feel like…straight-up trash if anything bad ever happened to ya. Downer,” she smirked. “Anyways, here,” she said, digging a pack of Marlboro Smooths from her coat pocket. “I sure need one. Both look like ya’ll do too.”

“Girl, you know I hate menthol,” Penny said, sucking his teeth. He took it anyway.

“Really? Thought you said you was a queen back there,” Cass chuckled.

“Oh, I am. A king, too. Depends on the person though. Or the night.”

“I see Finn’s already corrupted that noggin a’ yours,” she laughed, handing me a smoke. “Trust me, these puppies are _queen_ cigarettes.”

“Surprised you ain’t a Virginia Slims girl.”

“What I look like to you, a wine-drunk housewife? I spent eight goddamn dollars on these things, thank you very much!”

“See, that’s one of your problems, Cass. You try to be all ghetto white girl rich, no wonder you be strugglin’. ‘Nails done, hair done, everythin’ did.’ For real? Coulda bought me two whole pizzas at Z-Mart for that, feed my stomach for a week! Gotta think survival.”

“Heard that,” I smiled, bumping fists. “You know how much these things go for in Woodlake? Two dollars a pop, easy.”

“Awww, shit man!” Penny laughed. “We should go into business!”

“Oh please, who you two fixin’ to rip off, twelve year-olds?” Cass giggled.

“You’d be surprised how lucrative sellin' loosies is,” he explained. “Lot of desperate folk who can't just go out and buy a whole pack like you can. Price of cigs is crazy, man. Hell, any drug-”

“All right, new subject please,” I sighed, resting my head against the window as I lit up. He knew it bothered me to hear anything about drugs on account of my mom, but at least he knew when to shut up.

“Sorry, brotha. My bad.”

“It’s all good. Think I’m just ready to drink the shit out of this party.”

“That makes two of us,” Cass grinned, clinking our bottles together. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

As we continued on through the rainy night with the wind in our hair, smoke in our faces, and Guns N’ Roses blaring on the radio, I thought about a lot of things. Things like who I was, what I was doing. Whether or not I’d fit into the world once I got my GED, where I might go if I could just get the hell out of Pukettsville once and for all. Seemed like a pipe dream. A lot of kids in the southern states are just stuck here, for better or worse. They grow up around factories and farms, settle into careers doing exactly what their parents and grandparents did for decades before them. There’s little questioning of anything else. That works fine for some people, but…not for me. 

I thought, too, about that Chris Erickson kid. Something about the notion of me being the last person to see him alive shook me to the core. I knew I had to make up for all the damage I’d caused recruiting other boys like him for Hank at some point—never mind addressing my own trauma. I needed justice somehow. We all did. But it always felt out of reach. Besides, who the fuck was I to bring it up? I was just another ‘dirty’ half-Mexican, invisible, forgotten, and unnoticed. Especially in the chains of the South. 

Part of me wanted to go the cops, if they’d even listen. But I knew if I did, Hank might try to have me killed. _Or come after Daniel._ My family would suffer financially, that’s for sure. I briefly entertained the idea of telling my friends. Just laying it out flat, all nonchalant-like. _But what would they think? I don’t really need that kind of pressure or attention right now._

And of course, I thought about my younger brother lying fast asleep in his bed, smiling contentedly in the excitement and ignorant bliss of youth. The boy who had taught me greater lessons than he even knew about life, strength, perseverance, honesty, and what it truly means to be family. The one who kept me going, more than I cared to admit. The one I loved like no one else. The boy who was growing up way too fast, even as we sped down the darkened highway at similarly uncomfortable speeds. 

But for now, I tried to block it all out. The night, as they say, was young.

* * *

It was about a twenty-minute drive before we reached the bayou property on Caddo Lake. Finn had been squatting in this boarded-up cottage for the past couple months. You could barely tell it was abandoned. There was a small, well-kept yard to the side with a tire swing on one of the trees, a freshly painted picket fence, shuttered windows, even a woodpile. For being a small house hosting a low-key party, it wasn’t too shabby. They had set up a few tiki torches with blue ribbon for a makeshift path leading to the back, where a nice bonfire raged on the veranda surrounded by lawn chairs. The only thing the place didn’t have was electricity, but they were working on that. At least we wouldn’t have to worry about the power going out from passing rainstorms.

“Sean Diaz, if you ain’t a sight for sore eyes!” Finn grinned, nearly attacking me with a hug.

“What’s up dude?” I smiled.

“Can’t hide that cutie patootie face a’ yours from me forever!”

“As if I’d try,” I laughed. “Damn, smells good out here.” The scent of freshly cooked hot dogs was always a welcome one. Hadn’t been to a barbecue in my trailer park for years.

“Eh, it’s a little shabby since we do all our cookin’ over the fire, but home’s what you make of it, right? Still tryin’ to get the power running. No luck yet, but hey, we got water!”

“Looks awesome, Finn. Proud of you.”

“Thanks, brotha.” He wrapped his arms around Cass and I as we sauntered through the yard over to the veranda. Penny followed close behind. “So what the hell ya’ll been up to tonight?”

“Oh, ya know, the usual,” our friend chimed in. “Just runnin’ our asses off from Big Joe and the racists at Cass’s lovely place of employ.”

“Damn, you still at Louie’s?” Finn frowned.

Cassidy rolled her eyes. “Not after tonight. Ya’ll ain’t gonna let me live that one down, are ya?”

“I’m sorry, did fancy white girl break a nail on her way out the bar?”

“Actually yeah,” Cass smirked, holding up her middle finger. “This one! I got some shots in me too, motherfucker. Speakin’ a which, ya’ll got any whiskey?”

“Seem to recall that was your job, sis,” Finn replied.

“Well excuse me for havin’ to trek through a goddamn firin’ range for a bottle of bottom shelf vodka and six Coors Banquets!” the girl laughed. “Ya’ll seriously got nothin’? Come on Finn, you always holdin’ out.”

“Just wait ‘til you try them baked beans, honey,” he winked. “You’ll be feelin’ good in no time!”

“Baked beans with whiskey? Great. Can’t wait to shit myself tomorrow.”

“Why you think I got the water turned on? Flushing around here is importanté!” Finn chuckled. “Besides, we’re here to enjoy a night on the bayou. Smoke yourself stupid and enjoy the vibes, Cass! Hard liquor? No bueno. Some of us like to keep our memories in the mornin’.”

“Yeah, well I don’t,” she sighed. “Least not this time a’ year.”

“Whew, step into my parlor, amigos!” Finn grinned, moving ahead of us and extending his arms triumphantly as we reached the back patio. He was so proud of his new digs. I was happy for him. Penny certainly loved it. I knew he’d thrive there. Cassidy seemed a little off, but I wasn’t sure why. Every summer, there were a couple months she seemed to isolate herself. I made sure to keep an eye on her drinking.

“Some of us, you already know,” Finn continued. “Eric, Ellery. That new chick is Alyssa, she’s punk as fuck!”

“Must you do introductions?” the chubby, pink-haired girl rolled her eyes. “Got my own voice, ya know.”

“Shame ya don’t use it, honey.”

“Only on the page. And I’m kinda writin’ a poem, so hush.”

“Yeah, she’s a shy one,” Finn shrugged. “But she’s Patti-fuckin’-Smith when she gets goin’! And over here, we have the lovely charmin’ Carmen,” he smiled, leading us to a timid-looking biracial girl with golden-brown skin who looked vaguely familiar to me. _I’ve heard that name. I know I have._

“‘Sup?” she sighed, looking up from her aimless Snapchat scroll. Her eyes went wide the second she saw me. “No way!” she pointed. “You’re Sean…right?”

“H-Hey!” I smiled awkwardly, trying to remember. “And you’re, uh…god, what’s her name?”

“Lyla’s friend? From middle school,” she clarified.

“Right!” I exclaimed. _Don’t do the finger guns man, don’t…shit._ “Did we ever, uh, talk?”

“Us? Don’t reckon so,” she blushed, brushing back her gorgeous black, curly hair. “I, um…heard a lot ‘bout you from her back in the day…though.”

“Oh,” I chuckled nervously. Damn. I’d almost forgotten about Lyla. We used to be best friends all through elementary school up until seventh grade. Then something happened I can’t really remember. She’d said she had to move. Never found out where, never heard from her again. _But I don’t recall much from middle school anyway. That’s when the shit started…_

“Uh, she never said nothin’ bad!” she assured me. “From what I remember. There was kinda some…weird personal drama ‘tween us. We ain’t talked since she moved up north.”

“Yeah, me neither,” I sighed. “Guess shit changes.”

“‘Cept for us poor born n’ bred Lousianans, right? We just stuck here with the rest a’ these damn fools,” she laughed, sipping a beer.

“Eh, I wouldn’t wanna be stuck anywhere else though,” I smiled.

“Cheers to that!”

“Southern pride,” I remarked as Finn handed me a beer.

“Man, speak for yourselves,” Penny interjected. “Soon as I record my album, I’m burnin’ my rubber all the way to Atlanta!”

“Shit, lemme tell ya, all this brother _does_ is burn rubbers!” Finn giggled.

“Ohhh!” Cassidy exclaimed, joining us with a bowl of baked beans. “Bet that ain’t the only thing takin’ a burnin’. He the king in your lil’ palace up here?”

“Bitch, you better go slow on them beans!” Penny laughed.

“Right?” Finn added. “Looks like someone’s about to drop a Big sloppy Joe already!”

“Oh ha-ha, assholes!” she mocked. “I can hold my liquor _and_ my beans, thank ya very much. More than I can say for old Joe. You shoulda seen the way he dropped when we tore up that lot drivin’ away, man!”

“Dude went splat like bird shit!” Penny giggled.

As the night went on, we laughed and huddled closer to the fire, sharing stories in the warmth. I eventually loosened up enough to enjoy it, which I didn’t think would happen. Found myself looking at the scenery a lot amid the conversation when things wore down. Couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to Caddo Lake, but. Something about the sights, sounds, and earthen smells on the banks of the bayou sucked me in, helped ground me. Maybe in ways I hadn’t felt grounded before. I could see why Finn loved it so much. 

But there was some odd sense of mystery to those lands, too. A darkness. Twisted, misshapen bald cypress trees stood out in the water like mighty guardians of the past, their growth spurred on by a nutrient-dense ecosystem of wetlands. Spanish moss hung down from the branches high above, creating ghostly apparitions as the rain clouds receded and left a full moon shining through them. Made me think a lot about our history in the South. How far we’d come, how far we still had left to go. There was a stillness to the water that got to me. The moss became hanging bodies the more I gazed at it, casting reflections of eternal screams held in place over the lake surface. _Creepy._

* * *

After an hour or so of chatting with the others, I wandered off on my own for a bit, trying to shake a feeling within me that was fast growing unsettling. The further I walked out in the yard, the more I felt the ground sink beneath every step. Maybe it was that Kush shit Finn had me smoking, I can’t be sure. Some strains make me more panicky than others. Or maybe it was all the shit clouding my mind that tended to come screaming back to the surface like so many ghosts whenever I was high. I wanted to chase them; I wanted to let them be. Some nights though, they just wouldn’t leave me alone. I soon noticed Cass in the distance, sitting on a large log by the tree line as she finished off her handle of vodka. _Guess they won’t leave her alone either._

“Hey,” I called, heading over to join her. Our crew by the fire had started playing some trippy dubstep music they’d found on an AM station with a battery-powered radio. It was a nice background ambience, I guess. “You, uh…feel like company?”

“Shoot, why not?” Cassidy smiled, patting the mass-covered log for me to sit. I stood and watched her for a minute. She was swaying back and forth now and then, eyes fluttering as she listened to the music. “I love when I can just sit n’ chill, ya know? No pressure, no nothin’. Vibe out. Until the next mornin’, anyhow.” She let out a labored sigh. I was getting worried about her.

“You okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. Don’t worry your pretty lil’ face over me. Just…deep in thought.”

“These woods’ll do that to you,” I chuckled, surveying our surroundings.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “There is some mystery to ‘em, ain’t there?” She directed her gaze skyward at the full moon as she cradled her arms and shivered. “Lotta mystery. Ya know, sometimes being out here late at night, I um…get to thinkin’ that maybe all them childhood monsters I grew up hearin’ about are real. Waitin’ in the dark to…reach out and grab ya.”

“Maybe you’re right,” I shuddered, sitting down beside her. “They just have different faces than you imagine.”

Cassidy took another sip of vodka. “We all got demons Sean, no doubt,” she breathed. “Certainly…got my share.” She paused a moment. “So what shit keeps you awake at night?”

“Uh…what do you mean?” I figured I’d play dumb. Brush it off so I wouldn’t have to talk about it. _I can’t. No way._

“Fuck dude, come on,” she frowned. “You know what I mean. Somethin’s eatin’ at ya, I seen it on your face since the day we met.” She held the remainder of the bottle out to me. “So? Sharin’ is carin’. And whatever’s said...stays between us. Swear on my life.” Guess I wasn’t getting out of it that easy. 

“All right, fine, fuck it,” I sighed, grudgingly taking the bottle off her hands. _Beer before liquor, never sicker,_ I remembered. Not that I cared about those couple Coors I had. Nothing could make me sicker than the things I was about to tell her.

“Well…something happened to me one summer. I was thirteen or so. Maybe fourteen, can’t remember…nah, it was, uh…I was thirteen,” I swallowed. “Was walking down the hill one day from Eric’s. This old fifty-ish guy on the side of the road had busted a flat. Said he was clueless, asked me for help. So I changed it for him,” I said, taking a swig of vodka. “Offered me a ride home after. Said it was the least he could do, whatever. We stopped for ice cream on the way. Whole time I was licking that cone out back of the C&D, he was just watching me. Smiling, like…sizing me up. I was this short, skinny kid." _Like Daniel is now,_ I shuddered. “He asked me where I live, ya know, so he could take me home,” I trembled. “Fuck…”

Cassidy took my hand. “Go on if ya need, dude. I’m right with ya,” she assured me.

I sniffled with a nod and wiped my nose on my sleeve. _Hope this is as therapeutic as she thinks_. I could already feel the air growing thinner around me, like the demon trees that surrounded us were sucking away my oxygen.

“He drove me back to Woodlake,” I continued. “We sat in the car outside my house, which looked like shit. Mom wasn’t home yet. I remember getting this, uh...this sinking feeling," I swallowed hard. "He asked if we had money problems. Hell, who doesn’t in a trailer park? I told him...yeah. Then,” I breathed, “when he ran his hand up my leg, I just…froze. My body was fuckin' stupid. Thought it meant I liked it when I got, uh...” I downed another shot and hunched over to spit. “H-He felt me up, passed me a twenty and some smokes. Said ‘how’d you like to make some more money to help your momma out?’ She struggled with a lot of shit since Dad left when I was six, ya know? I was just…so tired of seeing her cry at night over bills she couldn’t pay, worrying if she was gonna be able to feed me and Daniel for the next month. I figured I could...take care of it.”

“Oh shit, Sean,” Cassidy gasped, squeezing my hand. "There ain't no way you could have."

“Maybe. I just knew I had to _something_ , or we’d lose the house...trust me, I’d have felt more guilt and over that. Anyway, Hank took me back to his RV, and um…he put me to work,” I gulped. “Every other day, after school. Was easy money at first. Just took videos of me…jacking off, doing stuff on my own. Paid me a hundred a week. And when things got worse and he pimped me out, that’s when I started blocking out a lot of shit,” I said, clenching my jaw in anger. “A lot. Faces, names. Friends I had. Guys I met. Places I went, things I did. Still can’t remember half of it. I get flashes sometimes, but. Chunks of my memory are just…gone. Probably for the best.”

“I am so sorry…”

“Yeah. Me too.” Figured I shouldn't mention I was still in it, though sparingly. According to Hank, I was 'aging out', so I was worth less to him. Probably why he wanted Daniel so bad to keep up the payments. _You'll still never get him._ _Even if we have to lose the house._

Cassidy put her arm around me and kissed my cheek as I took my last swig of vodka, then handed it back to her. Guess I liked the comfort. Just felt strange to be talking about. It should’ve been freeing, but it wasn’t. Some scars are better off forgotten and left alone. Wounds might be something that tie us together, but who the hell wants to relive them? The shadows around me felt thicker and darker. Like those trees were bending inward, their branched arms accusing. Ready to trap us forever in wood and soil like a living coffin.

“I was…ten when my uncle started wanderin’ into my bed,” Cass started. “Mom would be workin’ all night at the diner, had him look after me. I remember sounds of the TV in the background, smell of cigarettes and beer...kids fightin’. He’d bring his sons over with him. ‘Course they didn’t know no better. Grant was my age, slept like a rock. But the twelve year-old, Jonny, he, uh…he’d be watchin’ sometimes through the crack in the door, all curious-like,” she whimpered. “Lord knows it dun’ fucked him up. His daddy caught him once. Said he better not say nothin’ or he’d get the belt. Showed up one night all covered in bruises.” Cass took a drink. “Never did say nothin’. Yeah, that Johnny, he uh…put a .45 in his mouth last year,” she breathed. “He was twenty-one.”

“Holy shit,” I gasped, holding her tight.

“Anywho, that went on for a while, m-maybe…couple years or so. I tried tellin’ my momma ‘course, but. She ain’t believe. Said I was slanderin’, spreadin’ lies, that the devil dun’ got me and I better start prayin’.”

“That’s fucked!” I scowled angrily. “Hate that Bible Belt crap.”

“Yeah, but…she made sure I believed. Took me to church ever Sunday, got me all prettied up. That Pastor Fischer, he was somethin’ else. Tried to exorcise me or some shit,” she shook her head. “Fuck that. Anyway, my mom, she…got herself a new boyfriend from the diner shortly after. Ex-Navy SEAL. Man, I’ll tell ya, he treated me like a lil’ princess!” she laughed. “He’d lost his own daughter to leukemia or somethin’. Treated me like his own, made me feel safe. Eventually, I uh…I opened up and I told him,” she said. “He believed me. Took me down to the station right away to make a report together.”

“Well…least that part’s good.”

“It was. But my mom sure wasn’t happy ‘bout her brother’s shit hittin’ the fan. She called him up ‘fore we got home. There was a fight out in the front yard ‘tween ‘em two. And m-my uncle, he uh…he stabbed that nice man to death in front of me!” she cried. “Cops showed up, took me with ‘em. Put me in some kind of a…home with some other girls. ‘Til I could be fostered out. ‘Bout a year later? Same situation like my uncle again. Them fosters was in it for the money. Best believe I high-tailed my ass out. Stayed with my cousins ‘cross the border, changed my name. Ain’t looked back to Texas since.”

“Jesus,” I breathed, rubbing her back. “Guess we’re not so different, huh?”

“We sure as shit ain’t, Sean Diaz.”

“I’m sorry. Just...remember you're not alone, Cassidy," I comforted her. "You know that, right?”

“I mean, most days,” she shrugged. “Yeah. But June and July are bad months for me.”

“I get it,” I nodded.

"And by the way," she said, leaning her head against mine, "none of the shit we been through is our fault, 'kay? Ya hear?"

"Yeah," I sighed as she held my hand. _Easy for her to say. Me...not so much._ "Guess I keep trying to tell myself that."

"I know, Sean. It hurts somethin' fierce deep down inside ya, every hour of every day. But we gotta keep on goin' somehow...not let them monsters get us. I'm kinda...gettin' sleepy..."

She yawned and rested her head on my shoulder as I held her close. For the longest time, we sat there in silence and took in the breath of the wild night with all its sounds; the distant dubstep from the party we’d left behind, the chorus of crickets, the occasional flutter of wings overhead as owls hunted. Thought maybe I heard some crocs out in the bayou, too. I looked to the stars, gleaming in all their natural glory. The full moon obscured now and then by passing clouds, ever still, yet ever moving. _‘That’s when you know someone is good to you,’_ my mother once said. _‘When you can just sit together…shut up and let the universe do its own thing.’_

Funny, the stuff you recollect sometimes. The places you end up, the people you meet. You never expect to find those buried pieces of yourself in them, but you do. It stares you right in the face until you can’t ignore it. Sometimes it breaks you. Sometimes it molds you. Either way, everything changes. But at the same time, nothing does. Life is pretty strange like that—always constant, but never stilled.

I glanced down at my shoulder a moment at the girl now fast asleep on me. I planted a kiss on her forehead. For what it was worth, I hoped our conversation brought her some peace.

Even if I had yet to find mine.


	4. Lights Out

Around three in the morning, I woke up to an urgent phone call from my friend Robby back at the trailer park. All of us at the party had conked out around two—pretty early for us. He’d been trying to reach me for the past hour via text. I didn’t know it yet, but it was the call that was about to change my life. I slid my way out of the sleeping bag, taking care not to disturb Cassidy in the process. After our long talk at the tree line, I’d woken her, and we’d headed back to join the others. Ended up cuddling all night. Still felt a little bad for ditching Carmen earlier, but Cass needed my company more. _Damn,_ I smiled, brushing a couple dreads behind her ear. She looked so much more peaceful asleep than she had awake. _Glad our conversation helped._

I quietly stepped over the others and into the yard around the side of the house, staying far enough away from the fire pit in case I had to talk. Didn’t want to bother them yet if it wasn’t anything important, although judging from the number of texts, I got the feeling it was. At first, I had let Robby’s call go to voicemail. I was still buzzed, not really in the mood to answer. Plus I needed some time to wake myself up. I looked through my texts to see what the hell he was blowing me up about.

**► _Yo Sean. Not sure if you’re home, but I was walking my dog and noticed your front door’s wide open man. Thought that was a little strange this time of night. All your lights are off too. Even the porch ones. Just letting you know, bro._ **

That was weird. Could’ve sworn I locked it just before I left. I wouldn’t forget something like that. No one in Woodlake would. Didn’t exactly trust our neighbors, and whatever little we had, we held onto for dear life. I didn’t think I’d turned out all the lights either. That was especially odd. The porch ones were definitely on when I left. I scrolled to read further.

**► _So your neighbor Alan stopped me at the end of the street. Thought he heard some loud noises and shouting coming from your house. Everything okay man? Hit me back if you’re around. Don’t know what’s up and I ain’t gonna just walk in to find out. If you want me to check it out, I will. My dog’s going a little crazy though. Seems spooked._ **

_Shit._ A voicemail notification popped up at the top of my screen. I immediately played it back.

“What the hell…”

_“YO SEAN! Where the fuck are you man, I’m freakin’ out! Call me back as soon as you-“_

I cut it short. I’d heard enough at that point to be scared as fuck. Went to my contacts and called him right away. If David had pulled some shit with Daniel, I’d end him. But I knew that wasn’t too likely. He was stone drunk and passed out on the couch when I’d left. So my mind drifted to the next scenario, which seemed far more plausible. The worst one. My biggest fear, and my biggest waking nightmare. _What if Hank kidnapped my brother?_ If that was the case, I didn’t care what happened to me. I’d fucking kill him right then and there. No questions asked, no conversation. If I went to jail for life or got hung up by my neck, or hell, lynched by some racist assholes, I didn’t give a shit. I’d die defending Daniel in a heartbeat. Robby picked up after two rings.

“Robby, what’s going on?”

_“Sean? Where are you?!”_

“Bayou area with some friends. You said my lights are off?”

 _“Yeah. Dude, you better get back here! Crazy shit’s happening, man. There’s garbage dumped all over the street leading up to your house!”_ He sounded panicked.

“The fuck?”

_“I don’t what’s up, but there’s a lot of overturned bins, torn trash bags on your street. Uh, somebody’s fence got knocked down, noise woke a couple people up, said they saw some kinda animal running on all fours. Like a dog, but slightly bigger. Had somethin’ in its mouth.”_

“Shit. Think another coyote wandered in?”

_“Or the Rugarou.”_

“You know I don’t believe in that swamp tale crap,” I laughed.

_“Bro, I’m tellin’ you, it’s real! My grandma saw it with her own two eyes!”_

“Your grandma’s legally blind, dude. She’d think my dick was the Rugarou. That werewolf shit might’ve scared the piss outta me when we were twelve, but let’s stick to reality here.”

_“Sure hope you put out your thirteen pennies.”_

“I don’t need thirteen pennies. Might need a gun though.”

_“Damn, Sean. You in some shit?”_

“You could say that,” I huffed. “Look man, uh…did you go into my house at all?” I asked, heading back to the dying fire to grab my backpack, hoodie, and jeans from the patio. Didn’t exactly want to wake Penny up yet, but I had no other options for getting home. I sure as hell wasn’t about to wait around for an Uber.

_“No, not yet. Don’t exactly have anything on me for protection. Unless you count the condoms.”_

“Those are probably expired anyway,” I smirked.

 _“Smartass,”_ he laughed. _“I do got my boy Cujo though.”_

“Yeah, your cairn terrier’s real threatening.”

 _“He got a mean bite. Might even scare off Rugarou with his cuteness. Won’t you baby boy, aww, yes you will!”_ he chuckled. _“What’s that? What’d you find, boy? Cujo saw somethin’, hold up,”_ he breathed. I heard a couple barks, then a growl. _“Yo boy, what’s…shit!”_

“What is it?”

_“I don’t know man, just stepped in a puddle of blood! There’s a trail leading off into one of the yards. I see…entrails or somethin’. Cujo’s draggin’ at the leash. I’m gonna see if I can follow it.”_

“Fuck,” I breathed. “Okay, well look dude, just be careful okay? Gonna wake up my ride quick and I’ll be back in Woodlake in about twenty. Lemme know if you find anything.”

_“All right. Sure you don’t want me to check on your house?”_

“Nah, probably best if I do it. I don’t want you risking your neck for me, dude.”

_“Okay. I mean…I could call the cops-”_

“Yeah, that won’t help with this,” I cut him off. “Trust me.”

_“I get it. Well hey, I’ll keep an eye out when I circle ‘round the block again and text you if anything goes south.”_

“Cool. And thanks for the heads up, Robby. Appreciate it.”

_“Always got you, Sean. Talk soon.”_

“Later.” I hung up and got straight to work waking Penny, who was passed out just across the firepit from where I’d slept. Felt bad for cutting our little weekend getaway short, but the thought of anything happening to Daniel had me freaked. It was all I could think about. I had to get home, and fast. A lot of questions began to flood my mind after ending the call. Questions that wouldn’t leave me alone.

 _What could’ve happened that all the lights went out? Shouting? Commotion? Blood and garbage in the street?_ Maybe they were two unrelated events, something coincidental happening at the same time, but it had to be connected somehow. _Maybe…Mushroom got loose and Daniel chased her, woke David up and he got pissed? Did something get to our dog?_ That made me feel like shit, too. Because whatever had gone down, I knew my brother would be a wreck. I wasn’t there for him. And I hadn’t left him a note to say where I was. _Fuck._ Stepping over the pile of sleeping bodies, I knelt over Penny and shook him to wake him up. Probably a little more forcefully than I meant to.

“Yo dude! Penny, get up man!” I whispered frantically.

“Mmm…it’s late dawg, the hell you doin’?”

“Please, I have to go home! Now!”

“Can’t this wait ‘til like…morning or somethin’?”

“No. Dude, I’m really sorry man, but I need you right now and you’re my only ride back. Come on, please!”

“Ugh, just a few…m-more minutes…” He sounded groggy. I thought about just taking his keys, but that wouldn’t go over well. Especially not if I fucked up his Firebird. My driving skills were a bit rusty, which wouldn’t have helped anyway. And I’m not the type to screw over my friends like that.

“Penny, listen! My brother’s in trouble, and I have to…” I struggled not to cry, but I was desperate. “I-I have to be there for him. I don’t know what’s happening! Please man, you have to get up!”

“You say Daniel?” he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Yeah!”

“Shit, all right, I got you man.”

He slid out of his sleeping bag and lumbered over to the table on the patio, grabbing us a couple Monster drinks from the cooler for the trip. Not the best way to wake up, but we needed our energy. Penny put an arm around me when he saw me tearing up. _‘It’s gonna be okay,’_ he mouthed. I nodded, though I didn’t believe him.

We stayed quiet as a whisper as we left. I glanced back at my friends passed out around the firepit as we rounded the corner. All happily oblivious, dreaming of the day they’d get out of our crummy little town, light up the world together. I hoped I’d see them again soon.

I wouldn’t.

* * *

Penny sped us back to Woodlake in a drizzle of rain and rough winds, whipping around sharp turns as we cut through the back roads. Miracle we didn’t roll into a ditch—not that I was focused on my own safety. My heart was pounding for other obvious reasons. I had tried calling my house the second we got in the car, and periodically thereafter. The line rang. And rang. And rang. No luck. Same with David’s phone. After a couple tries, it just went straight to voicemail. _Guess his battery was low._ I thought about trying Robby again, but he hadn’t texted me since getting on that blood trail. We were a little more than halfway home when I finally heard back.

**► _So old Miss Landry’s cat is missing. Thinks the Rugarou took it. Hope she finds him, but that trail came from her yard and ended at the park boundary fence…it don’t look good :/_**

I sighed and sent a reply.

**◄ _Damn, that sucks...little more worried about my brother though. He wouldn’t just run off in the middle of the night. I’m scared, man :’(_ **

**► _I been keeping an eye out for him. Haven’t seen or heard nothin, and I been round this block 3 or 4 times now. Lights are still off at your place. Tried knockin on your bedroom window, no response. Sorry bro :(_ **

**◄ _Ok…thanks for trying anyway :/ I’m almost home._** **_Pulling up soon._**

**► _Word. You good if I head back to my place? Cujo’s scared and getting wet, wanna get him indoors. Got work in the AM too. Think we both ready to crash._ **

**◄ _Yeah it’s fine man, I got it from here. Thanks again. Get home safe._ **

**► _You too. Good luck, hope your lil bro is ok._ **

I dropped my phone into my lap, struggling again to hold back my tears. This night was all becoming too much. I couldn’t stomach the thought of anything bad happening to my brother. He was the one piece of goodness and light I still had left in the world, the only thing that remained of purity or innocence. I saw a lot of myself in him—the happy kid that existed before I met Hank. Losing Daniel would mean losing that part of myself forever. My whole life would spiral without him. I didn’t want to think about what might happen to me in that case. 

Penny had been playing some old CocoRosie stuff he’d recorded on a cassette tape for most of the drive. He lowered the volume when he noticed me breaking down just as we pulled in past the Woodlake sign. He waited to say anything until a few seconds later when we arrived in front of my house, where he stopped and cut the engine.

“Sean...I can tell you need to talk, man.”

I glanced up at our overgrown yard for a few seconds. The entire area was bathed in shadows. Our garbage bins were knocked over, trash trailing down the dirt driveway. Crushed egg containers, soda cans, beer bottles, half-eaten waffles we’d had the previous morning, some of Daniel’s old toys. Probably some heroin needles too. The house next to ours looked undisturbed, which meant whatever it was had come from our trailer. I looked at the open door ahead. The sight of it haunted me. I didn’t want to go in.

“Penny,” I whimpered, looking back at him. “Do you think he’s all right? Or is he…like one of those k-kids on the posters, or…I’m so fuckin’ scared!” I cried. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Dude, come here,” he spoke softly, leaning in to hug me tight. “We'll figure this out, okay? It’s gonna be all right.”

“How? I can’t go in there! I just…can’t…”

He sighed and pulled back. “Brother, listen to me. I know it sucks. But ain’t no way around that shit. Sean, I’m with you, okay? You ain’t alone in this,” he assured me with a pat on the back. “We’ll find him. Promise.”

“Thanks man…s-sorry, I’m just-”

“Nah, don’t you do that apology shit. I got you, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah…whew, fuck,” I breathed, closing my eyes to gather whatever strength I could. It took a lot. _Just rip it off like a band-aid._ “All right,” I nodded, pushing back nausea. “Let’s go.”

I grabbed my backpack off the floor and slung it over my shoulder, opening the passenger door. Penny left the headlights on and circled around to join me as we plodded up through the front yard. I kept my phone’s flash on just to be safe. Didn’t want us stepping on anything sharp—or bloody. By the time we reached the wooden steps, I could already smell the familiar stench of cigarette smoke wafting out the open door. Wasn’t as bad as it usually was, probably thanks to the house airing out. It sure needed it. But I also smelled something different mixed in the breeze as we arrived at the doorway. A scent that turned my stomach, and one I wouldn’t soon forget. 

“Jesus Christ man, what is that?!” Penny cringed, taking out his black bandana to cover his face. I lifted the neck of my hoodie.

“I don’t know,” I coughed, “but it’s really fucking bad!”

“Stinks like raw bacon or somethin'.”

“H-Hello?” I called. “It’s Sean, anybody home?” My stomach was already rippling from the stench. Or my anxiety. Or both. _Shallow breaths, dude._ “Daniel? David? Mom?” I called frantically. “Yo!” No response. “This is bullshit, one of them would’ve been here,” I shivered. “Hold on.” I flicked the light switch. The room stayed dark. “The hell?” I squinted, flipping it a few more times. “That’s weird. I just paid our electric bill this month, it shouldn’t be out.”

“Think it was the storm?”

“Nah, the power would be out at the neighbors too. Could be the breakers around back, but I’m not touching that right now,” I sighed, nervously moving ahead of him through the doorway. I held up my phone to shine my flash around the room. “Holy FUCK!” I shrieked and jumped back, dropping the device. It landed face up, exposing the scene of sheer horror in front of us.

That smell creeping out the door…it was blood. David’s blood. At least a good gallon’s worth. A giant crimson puddle had soaked deep into the carpet just ahead, taking up half the living room space. A mass of what looked like half-chewed raw ground meat had been dragged out across the floor in a wet, noodle-like mess. _His intestines,_ I soon realized, overcome by an intense wave of sickness. _Those are his intestines._

The red mass led directly back to his body—or what was left of it—which lay face up against the front side of the coffee table. Where his stomach should’ve been was a deep, bloody, concave pit covered in entrails and shredded bits of organs. His legs had been thoroughly knawed down to the bone in several places. His throat was ripped out. Fingers and toes were missing, some of which lay scattered across the floor with teeth marks. His face…he didn’t have one anymore. It was clawed to shit. I turned back out the door.

“I-I feel sick,” I mumbled, staggering onto the porch to vomit. It tasted like burning, stale Monster coming up. Penny joined me, coughing and gagging himself as he set a hand on my back.

“Oh shit…oh fuck!” he exclaimed. “Sean, you…y-you okay man?”

“That even a question?!” I wretched, wiping spittle off my face as I rose up. A sharp, stabbing pain wracked my head. My skin felt clammy. I removed my sweatshirt to drape it over the balustrade, looking back over the street in a cold sweat. A million different thoughts raced through my head. _This isn’t real dude, this isn’t real. It can’t be. You’re still buzzed and a little high, you’re just seeing shit._ But I wasn’t. I knew I wasn’t, because I still smelled that awful, unmistakable scent, and everything on the street was just as Robby had said. _What the hell could’ve done something like this?! And if David’s dead, does that mean…_

“I’m going in,” I breathed. A sudden jolt of adrenaline had hit me out of nowhere. Maybe it was the Monster kicking in, but I got the feeling it was Daniel. Something inside told me I couldn’t stop until I found him. “Just wait for me a minute, okay?”

“Sean, you crazy?!” 

I didn’t listen. I whirled around and charged back into the house, not giving a shit about the smell. Or my safety. Or Penny’s pleas. Or David’s rotting corpse. Far as I was concerned, that fucker got what was coming. I swiped my phone off the floor and immediately headed for mine and Daniel’s bedroom. Part of me hoped he wasn’t there. I had to believe he’d gotten away in time somehow, made it somewhere safe. Then again, whatever had killed David probably wasn’t there anymore either. Still, I proceeded with caution, shining my flash around to light the way in case anything—or anyone—was lurking in the dark.

I briefly glanced to my left on the way to our room. The kitchen was covered in an erratic mess of bloody handprints and scratch marks around the cabinets, counter, chairs, and fridge. The table was overturned, along with a couple chairs, legs broken off each. Beer had mixed with blood in several places, broken glass everywhere. Red smear marks on the tile floor led backward from the sink and into the living area, meaning David probably got dragged at one point. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought. No way a coyote had done all that, even if one did manage to get in our house. They were scared of humans. So were wolves. _What if Robby was right? Maybe the Rugarou is real…_

I continued on to our room, heart still pounding. Oddly enough, almost everything looked in place past the kitchen. _Must’ve been where the fight started._ I checked the bathroom. Nothing odd there. Then the closet. Same thing. But the closer I got to our closed door, the more I became aware of another strange smell. _A dog. A wet dog. Maybe Daniel gave Mushroom a bath?_ But that didn’t make much sense. I smelled nothing in the bathroom and hadn’t seen her—or her body—yet. My heart pounded as I gripped the doorknob of our bedroom and slowly stepped through.

“Daniel?” I called. “You in here bro?” No answer. And no Mushroom. A soft breeze blew over me as I entered. The window was left slightly open, which I hadn’t done before I left. _He probably got too hot._ I shined the light at his bed, then at mine. Both were empty. _But that wet dog smell._ It was almost worse than the blood-covered living room.

I lumbered over to the place where, just hours before, I had tucked my little brother in for the night. The smell definitely came from his mattress. As I stood over his bed, I ran a hand over the sheets and found something surprising. They were soaked in sweat. And full of what looked like shed dog hair. _Okay,_ I thought. _Maybe he was scared and brought Mushroom to bed with him?_ There was only one problem with that. The hairs were black. And thicker than any dog’s I’d ever seen. They weren’t human, either.

“What the shit,” I sighed, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. _Nothing about tonight makes sense. Not a single damn thing._ For a moment, I took a long look around our dirty little room, conjuring up memories of happier times. There was a story behind every piece of old clothing, every dent, scrape, hole, and stain in that place. Growing up in a poor household like that, we may not have had much, but. We were brothers. We had each other.

I grabbed the pillow where Daniel had last rested his head, clutching it close to my chest. It still smelled like his sweet, soft, freshly shampooed hair. I cried. He was out there somewhere, all alone. Possibly scared for his life. And all of it was my fault. _If I had only played one more game of Mortal Kombat with him, if I’d read him that story, hell, if I just stayed the fuck home tonight or even left him a quick note, none of this would be happening._

“Daniel, where are you?!” I wept. There was only one other place in the house left to check. The one place I knew without a doubt he’d been. _Mom’s room_. He was far too curious of a kid not to try it. That drawing I’d left her meant too much to him. He wanted— _needed_ —her to see it. To know she still cared. To know she loved him and still gave a shit.

I was hesitant to go back. Something deep down told me he wasn’t in there either, in which case it’d be time to scour the streets and surrounding yards. Besides that…Mom was extremely weak. She wouldn’t have had the strength to run away from anything, much less stand a chance at fighting off whatever intruder had gotten to David. Even if that thing hadn’t managed to kill her, Daniel was missing, and the more I thought it over, the more I realized it was a bad sign. If he found her passed out in a high with her eyes open, well…that might explain a lot as to why he would run off on his own.

“Shit!” I sniffled, tossing the pillow aside. I heard a knock on the wall, then the familiar creak of our door opening. _Penny. Figures he’d get bored._

“Hey brotha,” he said in a sympathetic tone. I didn’t want to hear it. Definitely didn't want him to ask if I was okay.

“Thought you were waiting outside,” I frowned.

“Yeah…” he breathed. “Listen Sean, um…I got some bad news, man.”

I smirked for a moment, shaking my head as I picked apart one of the many loose threads in my jeans. What the hell else was new. Not like I didn’t know exactly what it was.

“Lemme guess. My…my mom’s dead, isn’t she?” I choked up mid-sentence. That much, I didn’t expect. Penny let out a long, sad sigh. “I knew it,” I said before he could answer. My throat felt like it was about to collapse. “I…I knew it…” My eyes squeezed shut. “Fuck!”

I shouldn’t have cared that much. It didn’t make sense, and as soon as the tears came, I scolded myself for shedding any at all. We’d already lost her years ago to her own disease. She hadn’t been deserving of anyone’s caring or sympathy, least of all mine. Every day, she’d walked the line between life and death, just one overdose away from fading out forever. That was her choice; we were the ones stuck living with it. I was used to it by now. If it wasn’t someone outright murdering her, she’d die by her own hand sooner or later. Most of the time, you just shut out any thoughts like that. 

Still. It didn’t make the news any easier. Because in the end, no matter what choices she had made or what she did, she was still my mom. You’re never ready to let go, even when you think you are. I always thought that if anyone could beat addiction, it’d be her. She used to be so strong up until I was about ten. Even had her share of lucid days. One of my greatest wishes was for her to live long enough to beat her own illness. To watch me and Daniel grow up. To be proud of us, reclaim all the years she’d missed. But she never would.

I thought about that a lot as we plodded back to her room to say goodbye. She was a fighter and survivor, much like me—even if she didn’t know what I struggled with. I never did tell her about Hank. Almost wished I had, but. She didn’t need the extra excuse to get high. Guess I never wanted her to feel like more of a failure than she already did. Karen was a lot of bad things, but from what she told me of her parents, they had at least partially driven her to it. They hadn’t been the most supportive of her relationship with our deadbeat dad, either—wherever the fuck he was. Someplace in Colorado.

Part of me didn’t want to believe what I was about to walk into, much as I’d prepared myself. I reached shakily for the doorknob again, same as I had earlier. I think I was more nervous about finding Daniel’s drawing missing along with him than I was about seeing her dead body. But at least in my own way, I guess I’d already said my goodbyes. I just…wished we’d have had more time.

Mom lay there on her bed in the same black nightgown. Stiff as a wooden plank, eyes flung wide open. She’d thrown the covers off her at some point. A fresh empty needle had fallen on the bed beside her, tourniquet still tight around her track-marked arm. I slowly worked my way around the bed and set a finger on her neck to check for a pulse. Guess I had to find out the truth for myself. There was nothing. Nada. Ice cold. She was gone.

“I’m so sorry,” I whimpered, planting a final kiss on her forehead. “I know you did your best. I’ll always love you, Mom,” I assured her. “Always.” I ran a hand through her short-cropped hair. Memories of the day we’d cut it together made me smile for a second. She had wanted something different, talked about spending a night on the town. It never happened of course, but. She felt so pretty that day. Said she loved me. That’s how I wanted to remember her. With trembling fingers, I closed her eyes forever.

Penny sniffled and put an arm around me as we stood over her body.

“She looks beautiful,” he said.

“Yeah…” I glanced over at her nightstand where I’d placed the drawing and note earlier. Both were missing. _Shit._ “Let’s get the hell out of here and find Daniel.”


	5. The Hills

_ "Some trust the wolf  
they have raised since birth  
not to turn on them.  
  
Some trust their lives  
In the hands whose fingers  
Are five silent knives.  
  
Some will be reminded of nothing, or perish _ _by that memory."_  
  
 _\- Jack Kerouac_

* * *

Sharp gusts of wind tore through the neighborhood as Penny and I headed up the street, armed with a couple flashlights I’d taken on the way out. I had stored some other items in my backpack I thought I might need too; a pocket knife, a lighter, small first-aid kit, a couple water bottles, energy bars, a change of clothes for myself, and more importantly, a change of clothes for Daniel. There was no telling what kind of condition we might find him in, so I prepared for the worst. Same with the light camping gear. If I had to stay out in the fields at the edge of town all night, I would. Sure as hell couldn’t go back to my own house. Not with two dead people. The property would be crawling with cops by noon.

Penny and I decided to split up once we reached the community pool to cover more ground. He would take the right fork, I’d take the left. We agreed on ten minutes each to check out the surrounding yards and call for Daniel only if absolutely necessary. The howling winds wouldn’t cover our voices too well. It was nearing four and most of the town was asleep, so drawing attention to ourselves was the last thing we needed.

“All right, we good on the plan?” I asked, once we’d reached the fork.

“Yeah. Still think it’s crazy this time of night. We don’t know what’s out there.”

“I can’t sleep until we find him,” I reminded him sternly. “I won’t.”

“I know,” Penny said, grasping my shoulder. “Don’t worry bro. I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

“Thanks dude.”

I took a deep breath and looked to the darkened path ahead, weighing my later options carefully. _No turning back now_ , I thought. My house was a crime scene. There was no denying that. If me and Daniel hid out at Finn’s, it would only be a matter of time before the cops found us. He’d definitely lose the property he was working so hard to keep. And much as I hated it, I also knew Penny could only help so much before he got taken down with us. I wasn’t about to let that happen either.

“Look um, if… _when_ …we find Daniel,” I corrected, “you think you’d mind dropping us off at the nearest motel? I…really wish it didn’t have to be that way, but…yeah...”

“Shoot man, I knew that was comin’,” Penny sighed sadly. “‘Course I will. I got you to the end, Sean,” he assured me. “Always.”

I leaned into his tall, skinny frame and hugged him tight. As we held each other there in the dark for a few moments surrounded by a chorus of crickets and wind, something dawned on me I hadn’t thought of before. Soon, I would have to leave all I knew—my friends, my school, my hometown, even my shattered past. But out of all the things and people there were to miss in that…I would miss Penny the most. He’d been my rock through thick and thin, always there to pick me up, make me laugh, make me smile when I needed it most.

When he pulled away, we looked at each other in the dim light cast by the streetlamps. A sudden wave of emotion came over me. Penny must have felt it too, because a second later, he kissed me. A slow, passionate kiss. The kind that makes your whole world stop. Not the rough kind I’d tolerated over the years from men whose stubble had shredded my skin apart. No. This was warmer, inviting. It felt like a million new beginnings. And a million bittersweet goodbyes.

“Wow,” I breathed.

“Always wanted to do that,” Penny smiled, thumbing my cheek. “In case you never knew.”

“Now I just feel stupid,” I chuckled.

“Nah, don’t. Ain’t exactly had the courage ‘til now.”

“Why’s that?”

“Mmm, I dunno,” he shrugged sheepishly. “Chickenshit. You’re only the fiercest, most loyal, most handsome guy I know,” he smiled. “And…I guess sometimes you gotta go through some life and death shit ‘fore you stop actin’ a fool, right?”

“I hear ya,” I agreed as we continued walking. “Still…you are _way_ too good of a kisser to have held out on me for that long.”

“Damn! Does that mean I get another one?”

“Maybe,” I grinned. “After we find my brother.” My eyes turned to the street. “You ready?”

“Hell nah. But I guess I gotta be.”

“Same,” I said nervously. “Text if you see any blood trails or broken shit.”

“And call if I see Daniel. Got it.”

“See you in ten,” I sighed, hugging him again before parting ways. For a few seconds, I watched him walk away until he’d faded into the darkness beyond. _Good luck to us both. We’ll need it._

The street ahead was dark, save for the occasional porch lights on my left. There were two lamps that lined the sidewalk over the next couple hundred feet or so to my right, but those flickered a lot. This side of town always gave me the creeps. I took a deep breath and began walking, staying aware of my surroundings for any sudden movement or noise.

Trees swayed around me in the whipping winds as the post-storm breeze descended across the valley. Chimes that would’ve been a more welcome sound in the daylight clanged with a certain eeriness at night. Now and then, you’d hear the occasional couples fight, men stumbling out their front doors in a stupor. _Gotta love the small town atmosphere._ A dog barked somewhere off in the distance. I knew that one. _Hey, Max._ That rottweiler used to scare the crap out of me as a kid every time I passed his fence.

Funny. Now that I was older, I knew of worse things to be scared of. People like Hank of course, and another friend of his, Tommy, who lived in a gated yard at the far end of the cul de sac. Hank had me deliver a camera and a couple flash drives to Tommy once. The guy’s windows were covered in dark sheets, living room bare aside from a mattress on the floor and a tripod, stacks of blank DVDs, and oddly enough, a couple broken skateboards I knew had belonged to some other boys in town. Bracelets, too. I didn’t ask, but he paid me two hundred to keep quiet anyway. After that interaction, I’d told Daniel never to walk down this street alone. Life has a cruel sense of irony sometimes.

I continued on into the dark, shining my flashlight around the wall that surrounded the pool, then over to the trailers on the other side. As I made my way across, I heard a car coming just around the bend and scurried over to take shelter behind a tree. I clicked off my light and backed against it. The car was a red Mercury Sable, one of those ugly, late nineties station wagons. Redneck country music played at a low volume out the windows as they passed by. _Man, I can’t wait to get the hell out of this shit town. Wish I could maybe leave with Penny to Atlanta._ A couple seconds later, I got a text from him. Speak of the devil.

**► _Nothing on this side yet, but I’m kinda missing my boy already ;)_**

I chuckled and shook my head.

**◄ _It’s been like 5 mins dude._**

**► _Feels like an eternity tho. Kinda like when you left the party to hang with Cass._**

“He’s seriously gonna grill me over that?” I rolled my eyes, glancing at the yards around me before responding. 

**◄ _She needed someone to talk to. It’s nothing. Just personal shit. Got our demons._**

**► _I get it. Just wish you’d tell me what’s up with you sometimes. Care about you, man._**

This really wasn’t the time. We had to focus on finding Daniel.

**◄ _I’ll tell you sometime, ok? It’s just…a lot. Now stay sharp please._**

I pocketed my phone and crept out from behind the tree back onto the street. Hank’s RV was coming up about two houses down, and I really didn’t want to be talking to Penny when I passed it. Or anyone. A sick feeling always twisted my stomach in knots around that place. It made me sweat, made it harder to breathe. Too many bad memories, I guess. Or the fear that the ones I’d buried would come creeping back up like so much vomit. The chlorine emanating from the pool was certainly triggering. It was rare anything could distract me from it. But on the way, I soon caught sight of something that did.

Several torn pieces of fabric drifted over the ground across the street, settling in the dust against the curb. Red-colored fabric emblazoned with a pattern I knew well, because it had white spaceships all over it. _Daniel’s pajama pants. Shit._ I dug my phone back out and texted Penny.

**◄ _Dude, get the hell over here! I found something._**

**► _Me too. Picked up that blood trail your friend found at Miss Landry’s. No sign of her cat. Plenty of garbage in the street though. Couple of dog paw prints, but these motherfuckers are HUGE. What you got?_**

**◄ _…Pieces of Daniel’s clothes :(_**

**► _Oh fuck! I’m coming!_**

I shoved my phone in my pocket and shined my flashlight over the scraps of torn material, stooping down to snatch one before the wind could catch it. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was matted in the same thick black hairs that had covered his bed earlier. _These aren’t just hairs. This is…fur._ I looked further ahead into the dark. More scraps blew across the street, forming a haphazard trail. I moved back up to the sidewalk as they floated across the ground, frantically collecting every last piece I could find. All the edges were frayed or shredded. No human attack had done that. It looked as if a wild animal had torn them off. _The Rugarou._

The trail ended about fifty feet away from the curve of the connecting street where the pool entrance was. I shone my flashlight up at the wall again when I noticed a long, wavey dark mark aside me. Bored kids loved to deface the pool property with occasional graffiti, so I assumed it was black spray paint again. I was wrong.

This was a giant, blood red smear. It began around the midsection with a human handprint before gradually descended lower for a couple yards. My breath caught in my throat as I sidestepped along, tracing it in the light. The further I got, that handprint became claw marks. And at the end of it, tossed in a shrub, I found the snapped elastic waistband of Daniel’s pajama pants. Leaning closer, I touched it. Then I backed away in shock. It was soaking wet with blood.

“What the…fuck?!” My flashlight dropped to the ground with a thud. I fell to my knees in the dirt. Tears clouded my vision as the lump in my throat finally burst, and I sobbed. He was dead. My brother was dead. He had to be. All the evidence pointed to it. And though I hadn’t a clue what the hell else was going on around the rest of town that night—surely there was a lot I couldn’t explain—that was the one definitive conclusion I could reach.

I envisioned his body laying somewhere just beyond the bend. Thrown in the wet grass against a barbwire fence somewhere, discarded like rotting trash in a tangle of weeds. Beaten, bruised, covered in animal teeth marks. Skin scraped to shit and muddy from whatever had dragged him off. Gravel in his wounds, clumps of his soft pretty hair torn out. Face clawed to shit like David’s. Throat ripped out. Genitals mauled. Pale as the other corpses back at my house. Penny would be rounding the corner soon, and I fully expected to hear the worst news of my life.

But then something happened I can’t explain. Maybe it was because I’d spent the better half of the past two hours burying all emotion as I soldiered on, trying to make sense of everything falling to shit. Maybe it was that I felt completely empty inside after all I’d suffered through that I’d at last given up all hope of processing it. Maybe in the absence of my very sense of self, something just cracked. Hell, maybe I was going insane.

But in that moment, a singular voice break through my thoughts. It came to me clear as day, like it was right beside me. The one voice I longed to hear laugh again, sing again, or even yell at me again. A voice that cried out for comfort. The voice of a teen, but still very much a kid. The voice of my brother. The only voice that mattered to me anymore.

_“Sean…I’m scared…where are you? I don’t know what’s happening to me…please come back…SEAN!”_

I scrambled to my feet in the dark, dropping the cloth of his shredded pajamas. A wolf howled somewhere off in the distance.

I ran. 

* * *

Minutes later, Penny and I waded our way through a thick brush as we charged up the hill toward the woods with no clear path in sight. We had managed to sneak through one of the neighbor’s yards without their yappy dachshund having a fit and jumped the wooden boundary fence. The length of the hill was an overgrown mess of tall grasses, brambles, weeds, thorny bushes, and other plants. There was a dirt trail in there somewhere that led up to a lookout point where kids partied sometimes. Not that I could remember where it was in all the mess.

“Sean, I love you, but this is fuckin’ nuts,” Penny groaned.

“I know what I heard!” I insisted, stomping over dead matter and shoving aside branches as best I could. “It sounds crazy, but…he’s up there. I just know, okay? I can’t explain it.”

“Man, I believe you. But this field is straight up killin’ me. Where the hell’s this path, anyway?”

“Don’t worry, we should be out of this shit soon,” I sighed, struggling not lose my balance. Or the flashlight. “Trail is somewhere to our right if I remember correctly.”

“But we movin’ toward the hill all diagonal? Ai’ight. That ain’t no 'clear path to citizenship',” he joked.

“Wanna catch some branches to the face?” I smirked. “Bet they make good whips.”

“Woo, just wait ‘til that wall goes up come next year boy, I’ma bat your ass over it like Jackie Robinson!”

“Yeah, okay," I chuckled. "You haven’t made it to second base with me just yet. And from what I remember dude, you were benched for most of Little League.”

“Bitch, I'll still homerun your scrawny ass over the Rio Grande, don't even front!”

We both laughed. That was one of the many things I cherished about being friends with Penny. Our shitty brand of humor laden with subtle racial jabs just clicked and made us closer in a way, a sort of private understanding that had evolved among us. God knows we both needed it to keep our wits living down South. And over the next four years ahead, if that fucking Antichrist got elected. I tried not to think about that, either.

“Think I see the trail,” I said, holding up my flashlight. After a few more seconds, we finally reached the path, a narrow dirt trail that was almost impossible to see unless you were standing on it. The grasses surrounding us were tall, but at least there’d be no more wading. I stepped out and held the brush aside for Penny, who eagerly leaped forward to dust himself off.

“Free at last, thank God Almighty!” he huffed.

“Nice King reference. You good?”

“My legs sure as hell ain’t.”

I gazed up the trail ahead—or at least what I could make out of it. There were some thorny branches hanging across the way, with various bits of litter and debris people had discarded on the ground coming back from their lookout parties; Dorito bags, Chock-O-Crisp wrappers, cigarette boxes, lighters, the occasional muddy sock, some beer cans, a couple liquor bottles, a shoe or two. But one thing stood out to me in the midst of all that as I shined my light.

Paw prints. Big ones. Bigger than any dog I’d ever seen.

“Holy shit,” I gasped, taking a knee to get a closer look. “Dude…are these like the ones you saw near Miss Landry’s?”

“Yeah,” Penny replied. “Told you they was big.”

“You were right about that machete. Could definitely use a weapon of some kind out here,” I shuddered, rising to my feet.

Now I was scared for my life. The only things I had on me for protection of any sort were my pocket knife and lighter—neither of which would do a very good job at scaring off a wild animal. Especially not one this big. Still, I willed myself to continue against all human logic. The sound of Daniel’s terrified voice had stuck with me this far through every step, every pound of my beating heart. That spurred me on, made me all the more determined. No way was I giving up now.

An array of roots, twigs, and rocks jutted up from the ground over much of the path ahead. Penny and I ascended up the ever-steepening hillside at the briskest pace we could, following the trail of paw prints. Along the way, we held hands to avoid losing each other as we ducked and maneuvered through more dense brush, overhanging branches, and a few puddles. We managed to avoid some thorny sections, but got snagged a few times anyway.

Finally, we got past the steepest section. The remainder of the trail curved around like a reverse question mark over the hillside, ending at the lookout. Shortcutting that turn was too dangerous a climb. Far as I knew, no one had done it without busting their ass.

“Hard part’s over,” I breathed, taking the sharp left that led up and around.

“Just so you know, you’re buyin’ me new shoes after this,” Penny said.

“Yeah, okay,” I smirked as we veered right. “Take your pick on the way down. I see kids come back from here all the time with mismatched shoes ‘cause they lost…one…”

I skirted to a halt in my tracks at the sight of a sudden movement dead ahead. Something that made my heart stop and my skin flash cold. Every muscle in my body tensed, releasing a wave of terror. A dark shape had emerged from the tall grass ten feet in front of us, the only thing now blocking our path to the lookout.

A wolf. A giant black timber wolf. The thing easily stood as tall as my chest. For now, it didn’t notice us. It seemed concerned with something far down the hillside. That was about to change. Penny ground to a quick stop behind me.

“Man, you okaaayyyy oh fuck…” he gasped. 

I clicked off my flashlight. Too late. The wolf turned its head in our direction and immediately reared back on all fours when it saw us, letting out a menacing snarl behind a set of razor sharp teeth—teeth dripping with bloodied saliva. The fur on the nape of its neck went erect. Penny and I backed away in fear. _Wrong move._ The creature inched slowly toward us, snapping its weighted jaws in a series of warning barks. Piercing golden eyes trained themselves on our every move, back legs wavering as it readied itself for the kill.

In that moment, I searched my mind for answers. I scanned my surroundings. I thought of what I had in my backpack. Thought of moving for something to throw or grab. Anything. Something. But every solution I came up with required movement, and that wasn’t going to help. Not with a fucking dire wolf bearing down on us. When another appeared further up the trail, this one smaller and gray, I realized—again, too late—that we must have wandered into a den of the things. _But how? Wolves don’t live in these woods. The party kids would’ve scared them off a long time ago._ I thought back to all the legends of the Rugarou I’d heard. Swamp tale crap, but…this surely wasn’t.

“Penny…f-fuck man, what do we do?!” I whimpered, holding my hands in front of me. _Right. Because that’s going to protect us._

“Uhh…um…I, uh…th-think you’re supposed…snarl at it? Show your teeth-”

“You _fucking_ kidding me right now!” I shrieked, shaking in my cold sweat.

“I-I don’t know man, Jesus!”

The wolf was closing in fast. Barking, snapping, snarling. Drooling. Waiting to snap us both in its maw like twigs. _Well…can’t think of anything better._ I took a deep breath and stared death back in the face, crouching down to level myself in its sight. Fuck it. If this was how I died, at least I knew it would be in trying to find and protect my little brother.

I hissed at first. Probably more snake-like than wolf-like, but. I bared my teeth. The wolf stopped for a second. I tried again, louder this time. Growling at it as best I could, slapping at the dirt with my hand. That seemed to confuse it a moment. Showed it I was up to the challenge. Its jaws closed. _Good._

But in the midst of my own lame vocalizations, another sound came from far up the hill, piercing and loud. The eeriest, shrillest, scariest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. It’s hard to put into words how such a thing can rip a new layer of terror across your skin, make the hair stand up on the back of your neck. It _sounded_ like something between a wolf howling and a child screaming. It _felt_ like an animal shredding me apart. I’ll never forget it. I prayed I would never have to hear that sound again. But I would in the coming days. A lot.

The gray wolf farther ahead immediately bolted and ran for the overlook, seeming concerned. Or just as spooked as I was. The black one glanced back in its direction for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to follow. It was in that moment that Penny took hold of my hand and squeezed tight. Squeezed, though I felt him slowly backing away from me, his sweat coating my palm. My head darted back. I looked him in the eye, knowing full well what he was about to do. _No…_

“Sean, you better fucking run and get your brother,” he trembled with clenched teeth. “And don’t you dare look back for me! Don’t you dare, man…”

“P-Penny…what the _fuck?!_ ”

“You get the hell outta here and never look back for nothin’, or I’ll kick your half-cracker ass over that wall, ya hear?”

“D-Don’t!” I cried. “Please…”

“Ain’t no time," he shook, tearing up. "We both know it. Besides...runnin’s in my blood, right?” he smirked. “I love you...Sean Diaz.”

He planted a firm kiss on my lips. Then he ran, cutting through the curving trail over the steep hillside. The black wolf tore after him in pursuit. Both went tumbling down head over heels through thick brush, landing on the other side of the path. The wolf shook it off faster.

I didn’t stick around to watch the aftermath. I couldn’t. But I knew enough when I heard the screams, the thrashing, the wet hacking of teeth with aggressive growls and barks, the cracking of bones. Then silence. My heart was pounding fierce. Daniel’s voice was still hammering around in my skull along with Penny’s last words to me, the scene of my mother’s death, visions of David’s mauled body. If I didn’t get a hold of myself now, I wouldn’t. I only had one chance. One window. An opening my best friend had just died for. And I had to take it.

My body charged up the path like an unwilling machine, leaving another vital part of my soul behind. There are certain moments in life where all thinking stops. If you manage not to blackout, a shock of awareness comes ripping through your system. Surprises you. Awakens you to the terrible truth. ‘You shouldn’t have done that, but you did.’ ‘Shouldn’t have said that, but you did.’ ‘Surprised you would ever be capable of such’…who knows. _You shouldn’t have let that happen._ But I had no other choice. Penny had made it for me. Now, I had to honor him.

So I ran. I ran my scrawny ass off up that hill just like he wanted me to. Hoping against hope that Daniel was up there somewhere. Praying it wasn’t him making those inhuman, ungodly noises. But if it wasn’t him…then what was it? I didn’t want to know. But I would soon find out.

I made it up to the lookout in a matter of seconds, only to feel my heart stop again as I rounded the corner of a concrete column. There, I came face to face with another wolf. The smaller gray one. She grunted at me at first, then backed off slightly with a whimper. Like she recognized my scent somehow, or that it was familiar to one she knew.

That’s when I noticed the rusted metal ring around her neck. It was a tight shackle, outfitted with a large chain that dragged on the ground with her every move. She seemed to struggle under the weight of it. Thankfully, there were no other wolves in sight. I paused a second and glanced around me. Those concrete columns had been there ever since I could remember, and all of them were outfitted with metal hooks anchored into them. We used to call it ‘Woodlake’s Stonehenge’, but we never figured out what those columns were for, much less who built them. 

The gray wolf whimpered again, seeming impatient. She grabbed the sleeve of my hoodie in her teeth, gently guiding me over to the northwest column on the far side. Some sort of animal was bent over in the shadows. When I walked over an orange cat’s lifeless body several feet away from it, I freaked. _Guess Miss Landry’s little guy didn’t make it._ The animal bent beneath the column…wait. _That’s no animal. Fuck._

“Daniel!” I gasped.

There, knelt over prostrate against the column with a chained shackle around his own neck, sat my little brother. Naked. Muddy. Bruised, Shivering. Dazed. When he looked up at me, his eyes flashed blue for the briefest of seconds in the pale moonlight. The pale _full_ moonlight, I realized. My mouth dropped open in horrified shock.

“Daniel?! Oh god, D-Daniel…” I breathed, covering my mouth. I could barely utter a word. Not with the way I’d found him. I had expected to see a lot of things that night. This…was not one of them. The gray wolf looked up at me with a sad whine, then got to work tending to him. His chin was covered in dripping blood and what looked like fatty chunks of raw meat he’d been eating. He leaned back against the column a moment, allowing her to lick it off.

That’s when I noticed Mushroom’s tiny body splayed out on the ground beneath him. Or at least…what remained of Mushroom.

All the while, Daniel never took his eyes off me. A deadpan stare that sent daggers through my heart. His pupils were dilated and glossy, faraway. Much like how I probably used to look when I was his age, for…other horrible reasons. _Fuck._ The more he gazed into my eyes, the more his expression descended into one of sadness and regret. And with it, the more uncomfortable I got. I began to feel like maybe I didn’t know my baby brother at all.

Because one thing was for sure. He wasn’t the sweet, kind, innocent kid I grew up with. Not anymore. And that would be a long personal battle I’d wage with myself nearly every day in the coming weeks. Whatever he was now, whatever had happened to him…it terrified me to death.

His breathing grew evermore rapid and ragged as he continued staring at me. Hyperventilating. Gnashing his teeth, clawing at his own skin like I'd seen Mom do so many times. _Now the torn clothes make sense._ His heart thudded away like a war drum deep in his tiny chest. I could see it pumping strong beneath his ribcage, and I swore a part of me could feel it too. He whimpered. He cried. He grasped at his disheveled hair like a feral child. Like he was at last coming back to his senses. Becoming himself again, becoming...human again.

When he began to speak, he repeated the same phrase over and over again, a mantra that would haunt me for weeks.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m sorry…”

 _Me too, little cub,_ I thought, choking back tears. _Me too…_


End file.
